January 16, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Selfie Self Destruction
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BNGBONG, Thailand- A French tourist was bitten by a crocodile after posing next to the enormous reptile in a misguided attempt to take a selfie. The 41-year-old woman was exploring Thailand’s Khao Yai National Park with her husband when they came across the giant reptile. The couple squatted next to the crocodile, who, once given the not much effort required opportunity, sank its teeth into the woman’s thigh right as the picture was taken. Her condition remains unknown. The crocodile remains at large. Park Communications Director, Dang Phong, reports the park is having more direct warning signs printed up. "It's just not enough to tell people the animals are dangerous. We literally have to hammer home to people it's stupid to die taking a selfie with a man eating animal. If the woman who was bitten will give us the picture, we'll put that on the sign, too."
Monkey Waits For Up-skirt Gusts
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SAN DIEGO, California- A chance to interact with animals always carries risks but those risks rarely are of a sexual nature. That is, unless a monkey keeps looking up your skirt and pointing every time the wind blows. "I swear that monkey would feel the wind picking up and stare at my crotch waiting for my skirt to fly up," said Laverne Klempt, after a family visit to Animal Experience Wildlife Park. "I love that skirt but it's just no good on windy days."
Real or Photoshop
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KETCHIKAN, Alaska- Wild life photographer Tag Seuer is a well known prankster amongst his colleagues and friends. Previously Seuer has emailed photos of himself being chased by bulls, attacked by eagles and surrounded by teeth baring river otters. So, did a photo of Seuer holding a salmon with a grizzly bear lurking behind him really happen? Or, is it another prank? "If he took it (the photo) on his phone he could have sent it to us live and the bear being in the background is just a coincidence or it could be a photoshop like before. But here's the thing, we haven't heard from Tag since he went fishing," said neighbor Sissy Mandeville.
Bikers Get Elked
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DURANGO, Colorado- The recent Quickie Mart semi-pro bike race got elked. Riders were rolling through Sandy Point Park when a herd of elk came bounding through and collided with several racers. Team Gas n' Go rider James Morin said "I saw it all as it happened and those elk just went right at the riders ahead of me. It sure looked like they targeted the Kum n' Go guys that got taken out. Pretty weird seeing antlers going at spokes and spandex and pedals. Frightening."
Angry Buck Delivers Payback
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HOWELL New Jersey- Ellen Sager admits if there wasn't a video of the incident no one would believe the deer she clipped with her SUV would jump into her truck and try to kill her. But police dash cam footage of the bizarre event does seem to back up her story. "I pulled over to make sure it wasn't flailing in the road and when I opened the door to get out it was on top of me. If I didn't quick get my boot up on its chest and kick it out I was a goner." Police officers who witnessed the attack said they have never seen anything like it. "I'm not saying this deer got clipped on purpose so she (Sager) would stop and then that buck could deer jack (hijack) her vehicle but that's a tactic criminals use... it's crazy but we have the video... it's very weird," said Officer Brian Talbott.
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