October 22, 2016

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Bears Don't Appeciate Hiker in Their Bedroom
LOS ANGELES, California- Dan Richman was hiking in Southern California when he spotted a bear standing on its hind legs. "I was pretty freaked out. You don't see bears often let alone standing up.” Richman started to back away but then, “I turn around and there’s a second bear coming up behind me." Soon Richman was on the ground with the second bears mouth around the back of his neck. "I didn't fight and stayed really still and eventually it just let me go." Why did the bears attack Richman? A game warden thought the two bears may have been a mating pair that was interrupted. "That's impossible to prove of course but I hope it was interrupting their mating session that made them fighting mad otherwise these bears are working together like a wolf pack and that is just a plain scary,” said Jake Lager of the California DNR.
"That Penguin Hates Me"
UNITED NATIONS CLIMATE STATION, Antartica- Climate scientist Betsy Kelly is a logical person by training and nature. "I'm a fact based thinker, always have been. And I am sure this one penguin hates me. Every time I am watching our remote camera (to observe penguin mating habits) this one bird just freaks out and screams at the lens. I know it can't know I am inside (the lab) watching but this one angry bird only does it on my shift. It's just weird. Unless the other observers are lying and saying it's only happening to me. That could be the case. We get a little desperate for fun down here," said Kelly.
VINYL CLASSICS President Rick Rettler boasts about his new release IT''S ME MUM, WALLY WHYTON, that "Whyton was bigger in England than the Beatles and now we have his best record." Truth be told Whyton was only bigger than the Beatles because the decidely odd folk singer preceded the Fab Four by a few years on the English Music scene. But there is no doubt IT'S ME MUM, WALLY WHYTON deserves a listen from vinyl collectors because of Whyton's most talked about tune "Don't Send My Mother To Prison." Of this bizarre track Rettler said "It's the strangest thing I have ever heard. You play this at a party, you'll be talking about it the rest of the night. You might have bad dreams. It's that weird" SEND FOR YOURS TODAY- FROM VINYL CLASSICS
Mad Cow Loves To Lick
POLONIA, Wisconsin- This isn't a story about mad cow disease. This is a story about a cow, named Betsy, that when mad licks the face of whatever or whomever made her mad. "I should turn her into burger, she is one pain in my butt," said owner Mike Zaksewski. "If she doesn't feel like being milked she licks me, my wife, my kids, it's gross. I grew up on a farm, not much gets to me, I have seen it all, but having cow saliva all up and down your face... that cow is going to be burger."
Sharks Vacation in California
LAGUNA VISTA, California- Sharks exist in all oceans of the world but have never been much of a problem in Southern California waters. Until now that is. Swimmers have been bitten recently by adult great white sharks as well as other species and swarms of sharks are now commonly seen off Southern California's most popular beaches. "If swimmers could see what we see from the helicopter they'd never get out of the car," said Los Angeles County Lifeguard Patrol pilot Jimmy Morin. "When we fly up and down the beach we radio in Luca Brazzi conditions. They all are swimming with the fishes... the big ones."
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