January 19, 2018
The King of Freaky
Michael Jackson. Freak? Or promotional genius?

Well, certainly he's a freak. Not because of his sexual preference, or lack there of. I'm basing my opinion on his by-choice total lack of a nose or fashion sense. O.K., he has some nose left but you know what little is left is gone soon as he slowly whittles himself to death.

Yes, I believe his face whittling is promotional genius. What happened in England and America after the King of Freaky-self-promotion made his network TV pitch for man/boy bed sharing? In England his record sales grew by a 1000%, going from "minimal" according to industry sources to cracking the Top 40 on the English charts. And his older records, the good ones, have sold out and might be re-issued.

Oh yes, I think his freaky thing is all part of his marketing plan. Nobody who has been taken to court for child molestation goes on TV holding hands with a 13 year old boy he's admitted to having slept with unless what he's really trying to goose is record sales. (Even Jeffrey Dahmer knew when the cameras were rolling to shut up and say "O.K., so I've made some mistakes." But if he had a lagging recording career it might have been a different story.)

When Jackson forcefully denied (as forceful as you can with a Mickey Mouse voice) having had plastic surgery he was hoping his fans would show their support by buying more records. They should have noticed his tucked and sutured face was almost too tight to make his lips lie about it or that he never invited little girls to the sleep-overs but that's just another part of his genius.

In an era where top rated TV shows feature women in bikinis eating barbecued rats and agreeing to marry a clown because he might be a millionaire, this type of promotion is what it takes to get noticed and might even be taken advantage of by more enterprises.

Viagra might benefit from a total freak out testimonial campaign featuring guys who took the pill too soon biting the heads off chickens because they can't wait for the wife to get home.

Even President Bush, who is having a hard time convincing Europe to go to war with us, might try the Jackson approach. If he went on TV, kicking over bar stools, cracking a whip, chomping on a piece of raw steak, then turned to the camera and said, "Saddle up boys. We ride tonight," he might get the curious French to come along just to see what happens next.