Cicada Has Special Fourth of July
WATERLOO, Iowa- Family Fourth of July celebrations often include fireworks but rarely are children traumatized after seeing a cicada shoot into the dusk on a bottle rocket. "My four year old Nina loves bugs and hates it if I even kill a spider so seeing that cicada blast off put her over the top. She hasn't talked to me in three days. I shouldn't have lit the thing but it was too perfect. The rocket was ready to go and the damn bug sat down like it wanted a ride. It was real funny then but I am payin' for it now," said Nina's father, Al Bachuber.
Bull Panics Swimmers
SANTA ROSARITA, Mexico- American revelers on vacation in this popular beach resort were shocked after getting chased into the harbor by a charging bull. "You don't come down here to stay sober," said San Diegan Pat McGuire. "I was about seven tequila shooters into the day and all of a sudden this huge thing with horns is running right for me. I froze, so I was telling my feet, 'Whoa feet dudes, get it going, this is a really fast big bad deal headed right at me.' I mean, you don't expect to see a bull at the beach, even in Mexico. My bud yanked me out of the way and we went for more shooters. Seemed to be the thing to do."
"They Crap On Our Uniforms and We Can't Shoot Back?!?"
EVERETT, Washington- The Everett Police Department's parking lot may be the least safe place in town. Crows have created a war zone where cops walk between their cruisers and the office, dive-bombing officers. Everett police Lt. Bob Johns told the Everett Herald the crows act like "velociraptors," swooping and "zinging" the officers. And retaliation isn't taken well. One officer used his siren in an effort to scare the crows. The result? Crows littered his cruiser with droppings. Ruth Milner, a biologist with the state Department of Fish and Wildlife, tells the Everett newspaper the birds' aggressive behavior aims only to protect their young offspring in nearby nests. Plus, crows can recognize people's individual features and hold grudges. Since everyone wears the same uniform, now all officers are getting the same crappy treatment. The police force has decided to give way to the angry birds and let this season pass. But one officer, Sergeant Hector Manley, is not happy about this approach. "Aren't we the cops? Every cruiser has a shotgun and every officer carries pepper spray. Do we just let them crap our uniforms without fighting back?!?"
Eagles Stop U.S. Mail
ANCHORAGE, Alaska- A pair of bald eagles nesting near the U.S. Post Office in Dutch Harbor, Alaska, has taken to dive bombing customers, occasionally drawing blood. The eagles are raising chicks for the second consecutive year on a bluff by the post office. And for the second consecutive year, they have been chasing off customers of the U.S. Postal Service, which ironically uses a stylized eagle as its logo. Bald eagles have a history of confronting people at this post office, especially people who still have McCain/Palin bumper stickers on their cars. David Woods, who delivers mail from this station says, "I know it sounds weird but if someone comes in with an Obama sticker the pair just chirps but if they see the word Palin they go nuts." Experts say there is not much that residents can do about overly bold bald eagles other than to wear hats, or Woods adds, "Get rid of any reference to Palin on your car."
Flying Bear Kills Two
OTTAWA, Canada- Two Canadians died when a car hit a 440-pound black bear and sent the animal flying straight through the windshield of an oncoming vehicle. The bear hit the two men in the car and then shot out of the back window. "We don't see this often, even if we live in the country. Lots of deer, but collisions with a bear and two people died? That's really rare," said police spokesman Martin Fournel. "Collisions between vehicles and animals are common in Canada, but launching a bear takes a perfect hit with a sturdy front end. What's next? If I ever see a moose go flying by I am moving to the city."