NEW YORK, NY- Major League Baseball again issued its yearly request for players to wear protective "cups." An MLB spokesman said, "Too many players find them uncomfortable but what's really uncomfortable is finding out, too late, you needed one."

OLYMPIA, Washington- A mountain lion broke into an illegal backwoods meth lab and over months ate up several types of illicit drugs including human growth hormone, methamphetamine and the humans who ran the operation. The record 278 lb. cat was then killed when it took on Curt Schultz' 18 wheeler traveling on US 90. "That cat was all jittery crazy and headed for me like it had a mission. It was a big cat but it didn't understand some basic physics."

HJUTEEHJUT, Sweden- A veteran ice fisherman has not returned home after a recent day on the ice. Bjort Binklejut was fishing in his normal spot on Famke Fjord but when Kuylt Binklejut showed up all he saw was an Orca bobbing up and down through the hole. "I know whales don't laugh but I heard something that sounded like a snicker," said his grieving brother.

MONTEREY, Ca- Tourists and photographers often see otters swimming in Monterey Bay but they rarely see one video taping the California coastline. Marine biologists at the nearby aquarium are certain the curious creature found a lost camcorder on the ocean floor and brought it up to play with. But one local is not so sure. Clark Petersen said, "There are dozens of U.S. military installations up and down this coast including the Intelligence College here in Monterey. Maybe it's time for the Navy Seals to catch an otter."

WAVERLY, Iowa- Local hunters fear deer may have learned how to camouflage themselves. Dexter Filkins bagged a buck this season but he wasn't sure if he was shooting at a deer or a cow or horse or what when he pulled the trigger. "I sure didn't want to kill someone's pony but when I saw antlers it was trigger time." Biologists suspect this calico coat is a genetic aberration but won't rule out survival of the fittest being behind this new look for deer.

SPRINGFIELD, IL- Local deer have been attacking local police with increasing frequency. Biologists think it may have something to do with the colors of the cruisers or design features that trigger aggressive behavior. Several local officers, though, think the deer are angry about an incident involving a deer shooting in a park where officers responded to an emergency call over animal-human conflict.

LAREDO, Texas- Rocky Zurawski was once a top bull rider on the professional rodeo circuit, but no more. "I looked into the eyes of Kickin' Ass and saw something that just made me quit. That bull talked to me... with his eyes. Kickin' Ass made me understand rodeo work is really no fun for bulls. I just can't do it anymore."

FREEBURG, IL- A deer has been patrolling Freeburg with a plastic bucket on its head. There is much debate over what to do because starvation will drive the animal to more desperate behavior. Yet, tranquilizing the deer is out of the question because city officials fear once the bucket is removed the deer could return to the woods, be killed and someone could end up eating its meat before the powerful drugs fully leave the tissue. "Or maybe this deer is from space and it's not a bucket but a helmet. Or, maybe it just wants to protect itself from hunters. Either way, I think we should look into it," says Mayor Arnie Fillko, who is not expected to win re-election.

STONE MOUNTAIN, Ga- A yearly Scottish ritual has ended in lawsuits for the Sons of the Pipe fraternal organization. "Why did these parents just let their kids run all over the place," exclaimed Rusty McDuff. "Doesn't everyone know we don't wear underwear?" "We had no idea they didn't wear underwear," said Linders Alstrom, the father who brought suit. "If you are walking through a public park you don't expect your kids to end up seeing a grown man's genitals."

HARTFORD, Conn- A highly trained 200-pound chimpanzee, who once starred in TV commercials for Old Navy and Coca-Cola, was shot dead by police after a violent rampage that left a friend of its owner badly mauled. After the initial attack, the 15 year old chimp named Travis ran away but when police arrived he returned and went after several of the officers, who retreated into their cars. With the strength of four men Travis opened the cars to continue his attack. Officers shot Travis several times and he died of his wounds. The chimpanzee was well-known around Stamford because he rode through town in trucks belonging to the towing company operated by his owners. When he was younger, Travis appeared on TV commercials for Old Navy and Coca-Cola, made an appearance on the "Maury Povich Show" and took part in a television pilot. A neighbor who asked to remain anonymous said, "Travis may have been upset because he hasnít heard from his agent for a long time and really thought he was right for a part in a new ad campaign he saw on TV. I could tell, he wanted the part. When the ad came on Travis would stomp his feet and point angrily at the phone."