ROSSFORD,OH-- A deer with a wounded leg wandered into the rear store room at the Pet Smart in Rossford where a vet team saved its life. Sergeant Todd Kitzler, Rossford Police Department, says officers were called to Pet Smart after workers found the deer bleeding on the floor. The officers thought that they might have to euthanize the wounded deer. However a veterinary team that works at the store decided to treat it. The deer remained calm while the team treated its leg and gave it antibiotics. A short time later the deer got to its feet and ran from the store into a rural area.

MOSCOW, Russia-A raccoon has bitten off a pervertís penis as he was trying to rape the animal. Alexander Kirilov, 44, was on a drunken weekend with pals when he leapt on the terrified but toothy fur ball. "When I saw the raccoon I thought Iíd have some fun," he told stunned casualty surgeons in Moscow. Now Russian plastic surgeons are trying to restore his mangled manhood. "Heís been told they can get things working again but they canít sew back on what the raccoon bit off," said a pal. "Thatís gone forever so there isnít going to be much for them to work with."

NEW YORK, New York- Muslims are irate over internet photos purporting the US Air flight that crash landed in the Hudson River was brought down by Muslim Canadian Geese. "Geese cannot have a religious affiliation," shouted Ayatollah Spahmantie, at a recent rally for religious tolerance. "Why didn't they blame it on the Jews? Why did they pick on us? Why aren't there photos of geese wearing yamakas?" Doctored photos of geese wearing turbans prompted the outburst.

NEW YORK, New York- A flock of geese did battle with a plane full of humans and lost. The US Airways A320's two engines took the brunt of the assault but even though both jets failed no passengers or crew died after an emergency landing in the Hudson River. No geese survived. While in the frigid waters survivors reported being surrounded by, what some described as, "unusually menacing carp," until rescue help arrived.

PASCO,Washington- Darren Miles sheperd mix named Dongo has gone gonzo for his truck. "I never thought Dongo was going to be a smart dog but this is getting ridiculous. He humps my tailgate every time he's loose near it." His vet suggests there are ways to deal with the issue but Miles says "Right now I don't have the heart to take his... you know..."

FAIRBANKS, Alaska- Rocky Squier raised an abandoned moose calf with his horses and has trained it for lumber removal and other hauling tasks. Given the 2,000 pounds of robust muscle, and the splayed, grippy hooves, Squier claims it is the best work animal he owns. He says the secret to keeping the moose around is a sweet salt lick, and during the rut when he disappears for a couple of weeks, not asking where he has been when he comes back. "You can control these animals and make them work for you if you have the will. You just have to act tough when you are around them... that tough attitude and a cattle prod, are pretty much all you need."

ANCHORAGE, Alaska- Gov. Palin is considering a nationwide publicity blitz to fill open positions here in Alaska. "Katie Couric owes me but if she won't put me on I'll get my message out wherever I can. We need more people who will go outside to do work in this state but nobody will move here for these jobs. They think it's all polar bears, meth labs and gun nuts."

HUADU FURONG, China- The Chinese long denied they had a problem with killer fresh water fish but when the son of a government official disappeared the awful truth hit the streets--the boy was eaten by a giant man-eating carp. According to locals a 30 foot long catfish was caught, cut up and inside were the remains of a human male. Since then, all carp are seen as the mortal enemy of the townspeople and are being pulled out of the river, in record numbers, before they can grow into more man-eaters. Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagoevich's last official act in office was to arrange a trip to China to see if he could learn anything from them on how to help his state with its own infestation of Asian Big Head Carp.

COLD CREEK, Arkansas- A flock of geese, flying at night, took on a Medi-Chopper on a rescue mission and brought it down in a field short of St. Francis of Assisi Hospital. The patient, a goose hunter, had suffered a heart attack and was being flown to the emergency room. He died before an ambulance could reach the scene.

LAREDO, Texas- Clint Strider claims he just really loves his prized steer named Moses. Mental health officials believe he needs immediate help and perhaps confinement. Until authorities take action Strider plans to continue driving Moses around town. Police report they hope to find a legal way to stop Strider from driving an unrestrained 2000 pound steer on city streets.