MARCO ISLAND, Florida- An eagle ray weighing over 300 pounds landed on top of a woman cruising the Florida Keys, throwing her to the boat's deck and pinning her underneath its massive wings. Jenny Hausch was on the chartered boat with her husband and three children, taking pictures of rays as they flew out of the water. Then suddenly one came right at Hausch, knocked her flat, wrapped her up in its wings and hugged her repeatedly. She said "That ray reminded me of a very awkward boy friend I had in college. Being under that ray felt just like being with Chuck except Chuck smelled better." Hausch was released from the hospital with only minor injuries, while her kids got pictures they said they can't wait to post on Facebook.

ZIAHUATANEJO, Mexico- Two Americans on a fishing vacation almost ended up sleeping with the fishes because of an angry bull. Ben Finkelstein said, "The last thing you'd figure to face loading gear onto a fishing boat is a bull. But I was taking some fishing nets out of the van and there it was coming straight at me. Guess what is not going to stop an angry bull going 20 miles per hour? A fishing net. We headed for the water and dove in. Before I got up to the surface I had this image of the bull diving in and coming after us, and then saw just its horns, like the shark fin in "Jaws," following me. I'll probably have dreams like that for the rest of my life." The bull had escaped from a bull fighting ring two kilometers away and headed right for the ocean, according to witnesses.

DURANGO, Colorado- Randi Burton was hoping to get a jump on the rummage season by being the first in her neighborhood to host a garage sale. "We have tons of stuff to get rid of, skis, golf clubs, skate boards, snow boards, tennis racks, because our kids are very uncoordinated. We don't want any more broken bones and hoped to get rid of it all this weekend but these damn elk moved in for the whole weekend and scared everyone off. One older couple parked in front of the house but an elk just tapped on their window with its antler so they took off."

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ROSHOLT, Wisconsin- Ernie Berard is sticking by his story that a squirrel jumped on his head and forced him to drive his motorcycle into his apartment and ruin the floors but his landlord, Emil Booher, is not buying it. Berard claims, "It was warm enough to get the hog out for the first ride this year and I was having a great time, then that squirrel jumps me as I was pulling up and I ended up busting through my own front door and doing donuts in living room trying to shake the damn thing off my scalp." Booher, though, isn't buying it, noting that Berard's apartment is on the second floor.

LA CROSSE, Wisconsin- 911 got the call saying "Hey, there's a Croc in the Mississippi off Goose Island," followed by a scream and then the phone went dead. Police found a Croc but not the expected reptile variety. They also found a disposable cel phone in a trash barrel near the park entrance. Some detective work later and five UW-La Crosse students were paying a $500 fine to satisfy a Class 1 misdemeanor violation. "That's a lot of beer those five won't be buying so it's a win-win for the department," said Lt. Bob Gelson. As of yet, nobody has claimed the lost Croc.

MONTGOMERY, Alabama- Lefty Kransheech is convinced the squirrel that has taken over his bird feeder has also convinced its former residents to deposit voluminous droppings on his pickup truck. "I see that squirrel and the birds talking, then my windshield is crapped up. Coincidence? After watching it happen over and over, I doubt it."

AUSTIN, Texas- A desert tortoise named Dink has taken over the life of its owner, Fred Reber. "He speaks to me and demands we go for a walk. I can't say no. Sometimes we go out for hours at a time." Reber's wife, Ruby, claims her husband is just avoiding her efforts to officially end their marriage. "He claims he can't read the divorce papers because he has to walk Dink again. He's not crazy. He just doesn't want me to leave."

BENNINGTON, Vermont- A Vermont neighborhood is being stalked by a renegade gray squirrel that has committed numerous vicious attacks on humans, recently. Kevin McDonald tells the Bennington Banner he was shoveling snow when the squirrel leaped down on him from his garage roof and started a furious assault. McDonald threw the animal off, but it twice jumped back on with teeth gnashing and claws ripping away. A game warden says numerous reports of similar attacks in this area are coming in but "I don't think we're going to see packs of marauding squirrels chasing out seniors and children down the street. This was just an isolated incident." But Kevin McDonald, who felt the fury of this gray terror responded, saying "I'm not so sure about that."

MARCO ISLAND, Florida- Lt. Keith Perry has responded to hundreds of bizarre distress calls, but has never seen anything like this. Perry and his Rescue Department crew removed a 600-pound dolphin from a Marco Island charter boat after getting an emergency call from its captain, Brian Spina. Spina was following a group of dolphins on the Marco River when one mistimed its jump and leapt into the 24-foot pontoon boat named “Cool Beans.” A woman was hurt but otherwise those on board had "lots of fun talking to the dolphin who was very calm and seemed to enjoy getting back rubs from everyone." Spina reports, "One really put together 24 year old was this dolphin's favorite. God, she was hot. Dolphin thought so, too. Chattered like a tomcat when she rubbed him. Thought we were going to have to tell the dolphin to get a room."