CAIRO, Egypt- Ellen Honegraff had a goal of visiting Egypt by the time she turned 50. Stepping off the plane in Cairo on the last day of her 49th year, it seemed she was going to get there. Then a camel grabbed her by the head and ruined everything. The dastardly dromedary, clamped its jaws on her head, and instead of giving her a ride past the pyramids, snapped her neck. Funeral arrangements are pending.

MASON CITY, Illinois- The invasion of non-native species of carp has been problematic for several states on the Mississippi river but now some people are ascribing a method to the fish's madness. "I believe these fish hate capitalism," said restaurant owner Doc Means. "They attack recreational boaters because being out in a 'pleasure craft' on a 'weekend' is the epitome of the 'fruits of capitalism.' These jealous fish don't have boats or weekends because they are not capitalists." Some locals are rallying behind Means' call to arms but others see this as a way to drum up business for his restaurant's Friday night fish fry.

HANDNNIT, Afghanistan- A few nations have pitched in to help the United States in the war on terror but only one other species, man's best friend, has fought side by side with American soldiers. Dogs are even air dropping into combat zones alongside their Western human counterparts to fight terrorism. "They benefit from democracy and capitalism so why wouldn't they help us," said General Stanley McCrystal.

HORTONVILLE, Wisconsin- According to Catholics, it is a sin to waste. So, when Patrick Kennelly saw a wounded deer staggering through town he decided to follow it. "I could see it had been shot but wasn't about to go down, so I just pedaled behind it, herding it towards my house. I got him running hard and then edged him into the back wall of the Dairy Queen. And when it hit that wall, that's when he dropped. I pedaled home and walked in with a deer. It almost made my family forget the Packers were on TV." A passing motorist shot a photo of Kennelly as he pedaled home.

CAPE TOWN, South Africa- Visitors to South Africa's premier holiday destination are worried about becoming another victim of the country's high crime rate, which now involves a particularly furry felon-- baboons. The cheeky primates have learned how to open car doors and jump through windows in pursuit of sandwiches and snacks. A troupe of 29 baboons, led by their leader "Fred," raided four cars recently, opened unlocked doors and jumped through windows to search for the humans' lunches and treats. Fred ransacked a bag in the back seat of a car and stole one American couple's passports and airline tickets. The shocked tourists cannot fly home without their passports or tickets but said, "If Fred figures out how to shave, he can fly. He's got my plane ticket and passport and if security at the Capetown airport is like it is at White House dinner parties, Fred will be in D.C. sometime Sunday night."

DANSKIN, Canada- Armed with nothing more than a scrub rag, a mother in British Columbia rescued her 7-year-old son from a cougar outside their church. David Metzler Jr. was pinned down in the snow by a cougar and bleeding from his scalp when his mother Mary ran out of church and brandished her scrub rag. "I saw this animal on top of my son and I knew if I went back to call for help, it would be too late." So she smacked the animal on the head with the scrub rag. "I just took it and hit him in the face and cleaned his clock," Metzler told reporters. The cougar had attacked the boy about three yards outside the church door.

GRAND RAPIDS, Minnesota- Lori Gamez has seen enough and filed for divorce from her husband, Rob. "I have felt the alienation and withholding of affection but I suspected my sister. Now I know the truth. It was a moose. My sister is a large woman, but this is a whole 'nother level of ridiculous," said the frustrated public relations consultant. Rob Gamez denies having had carnal contact with the moose but admits to having strong feelings that are, "More along the lines of being a nature lover than anything else,"insisted the high school wrestling coach.

RALEIGH, North Carolina- Travelers flying in and out of Raleigh-Durham International Airport have more than long security lines to worry about this holiday season because of a sudden increase in coyotes on the runway, causing major take-off and landing delays. Airport workers and federal wildlife agents try to scare the coyotes off with cap guns and bottle rockets, but that doesn't keep them from dashing out in front of taxiing and landing planes. Earlier this year, a coyote was hit by a American Eagle jet trying to land. "They go after planes when they are most vulnerable-- during the landing," said Leroy Bauman, co-director of airport security. "You almost want to arm our smaller planes so the pilots can blast away coyotes that approach the runway. It's doable. A lot of commercial pilots have combat experience but that approach might freak out the passengers."

STOCKHOLM, Sweden- Swedish police say they've cleared a man arrested for murdering his wife after deciding the culprit was most likely a moose. Police spokesman Ulf Bockwinkle says "The improbable has become probable" in the puzzling death of 63-year old Agneta Westlund. She was found dead after an evening stroll in the forest. According to news reports, the victim's husband, Ingemar Westlund, was jailed but the case against him was dropped when lab results showed hairs and saliva from a moose on the victim's clothes. "Ingemar always insisted there was a moose that had it in for his wife, and I guess the lab proved him right," said Bockwinkle.

WINTERSVILLE, Ohio- A couple of boys were involved in a friendly game of backyard football when the pigskin got away from them. It rolled down near a wooded area, and when one lad went to retrieve it, some grumpy, child-hating deer attacked him in a fit of rage. But the angry buck didn't realize how strong the bond of team is for humans. When a team mate is being pummeled it's time for his nine-year-old friend to pick up a stick and starts clubbing the crazed deer in the head until it takes off for the woods. An arriving police car's video camera caught the culprit as it escaped.