... Petersen, an amateur photographer from Kansas City, MO, said "From the way they act when they are out on a date these bears are more like us than you'd ever think."

FAIRBANKS, Alaska- Archerd and Maxine Johnson thought they had seen it all after living 78 years in Alaska. From moose in their jacuzzi to fox sleeping on their couch to chipmunks in their sock drawers, the local wildlife had made their presence known in every possible way. Until, that is, three polar bears decided to camp out, every day, in their driveway. "We can't back out of our own garage. And I don't think our children will bring the grand kids over for Christmas Eve if there are polar bears on the way to front door. Why won't the DNR or somebody do something about this? They're endangered species so we're not allowed to push them out of the way with the car, but I'd sure like to."

ISHPEMING, Michigan- Dorothy Powers fears her cat, Mr. Dexter, is being turned to the dark side by the deer that visit her sun porch. "Mr. Dexter is the most delightful cat I have ever had," said the frightened senior. "That is, until these deer started visiting. After they talk to him through the glass he goes beserk, knocking over my cane, crashing through the dishes on the counter, knocking over candles. If my husband were alive he'd take the gun out there and end this thing but all I can do is yell at Mr. Dexter and hope he comes to his senses." Mrs. Powers noted her husband, the late Dexter Powers was an avid deer hunter.

BOCA RATON, Florida- A third person in Boca Raton has been bitten by an otter that authorities say could have rabies. 19-year-old college student William Gibbons was videotaping the otter with his camera phone as it swam in a lake behind his house. The otter appears harmless enough as it swims around, but then, "It walked out onto the grass and then just bit me. It was quick. It was like lightning. It chased after me and I ran like a chicken, screaming, high pitched, baby screams until I made it into our screened porch. It's all very embarrassing. I am never going to video animals that could attack me again," said Gibbons. An otter attacked two other people and a dog in the same area. Earlier this year, two men in Venice, Florida were also injured when a "vicious" otter attacked them. "Otters used to be cute, breaking shell fish on their stomach. Now they attack our kids. I blame Nancy Pelosi," said Nona Gibbons, the victim's mother.

ALAMEDA, California- It started with "a pair of eyes." It ended with an Alameda woman screaming, her terrified dog going into an epileptic seizure and a pack of angry raccoons inflicting a puncture wound in her leg. Rachel Campos de Ivanov was walking her 20-pound Yorkshire terrier when she spotted the glowing eyes behind a baseball diamond fence. The eyes belonged to a raccoon that climbed up and over the fence and started walking toward her, and was soon joined by four more raccoons that silently descended from nearby trees. Campos de Ivanov tried to get away, but tripped. "I felt like Jamie Lee Curtis in that slasher movie where she wants to run from the creep with the hockey mask but can't get her legs to move. It is so pathetic but that is really what happens. I thought they just made up that pathetic-girl-can't-run thing for the movies." Campos de Ivanov hoped they'd leave her alone but the raccoons kept coming and that's when one of the assailants sunk its teeth into her leg. Alameda County is investigating the attack, the seventh reported since June.

...The only thing missing from the dinner date modern bears go on is a movie. Otherwise, they act just like humans."

ISLA MUEJERES, Mexico- The sea monkeys used to be a tourist attraction for local resorts but since they have become aggressive food thieves they are now driving them away. And some are suing. "How can they keep these filthy things around here? One of the little beasts stole my Chalupa and I was really hungry. That thing ruined my vacation," said Mary Kay Kapingst, who brought legal action against the hotel which hosts the sea monkeys. "They are awfully grabby things, those monkeys. I think it wasn't just the food they were after."

SAN DIEGO, California- Arnold the chimpanzee is the strongest chimp at the San Diego Zoo. His trainers loved to show him videos of human weight lifting competitors to see if he would imitate their behavior. Well, that's when things went too far. Not only did Arnold start lifting rocks and logs in an attempt to bulk up but he somehow shaved his body hair to look more like his body hairless human heroes. "If he could oil himself up I think he would," said head trainer Bengt Durkee. "Arnold must have snatched one of our razors when he was in the locker room and has been shaving himself ever since. We knew they liked to imitate us, but this kind of scares me."

MUNSTER, Germany– German zoo keepers are forcing two male vultures who prefer nesting together to mate with females, sparking outrage from gay rights activists who accuse the zoo of discriminating against birds of a different feather. The trouble began when Guido and Detlef, two Griffon vultures, decided to move in together. The lovebirds began crafting a two-man nest in a communal birdcage. Both males enjoyed one another's company much more than that of any female and spent their days grooming one another and fortifying their nest. The purpose of their captivity in zoos is to allow them to reproduce in safe environments, and later reintroduce them into the wild. Zookeepers decided that Guido and Detlef's living arrangements weren't helping that goal. So last week, Guido was shipped to a zoo in the Czech Republic, where a bride awaited him but so far, Detlef and the Czech bird haven't touched one another. "As a joke someone played a Barbara Streisand CD into the enclosure and Detlef seemed happy for the first time since he's been here," said Barbel Meshkat, director of public relations. "Maybe Detlef is just really gay and we should butt out."

TOULOUSE, France- Bobo is a male monkey who is never happy unless he's dressed up like Bette Midler and putting on a show. "Oh my god, does Bobo go into a funk if he hasn't been able to do his Divine Miss M routine for awhile," said Collette Archambeau, director of media relations. And Dr. Michel Delatoille, head of primate research at the Giverny Institute claims Bobo is proof of transvestism in primates. "Unless monkeys are capable of making a deviant life style choice Bobo is proof that sexuality with all its styles, subsets and piccadilloes is innate. When you see him lip synch to "Wind Beneath My Wings" you know this is just something he has to do."