MUNSTER, Germany– German zoo keepers are forcing two male vultures who prefer nesting together to mate with females, sparking outrage from gay rights activists who accuse the zoo of discriminating against birds of a different feather. The trouble began when Guido and Detlef, two Griffon vultures, decided to move in together. The lovebirds began crafting a two-man nest in a communal birdcage. Both males enjoyed one another's company much more than that of any female and spent their days grooming one another and fortifying their nest. The purpose of their captivity in zoos is to allow them to reproduce in safe environments, and later reintroduce them into the wild. Zookeepers decided that Guido and Detlef's living arrangements weren't helping that goal. So last week, Guido was shipped to a zoo in the Czech Republic, where a bride awaited him but so far, Detlef and the Czech bird haven't touched one another. "As a joke someone played a Barbara Streisand CD into the enclosure and Detlef seemed happy for the first time since he's been here," said Barbel Meshkat, director of public relations. "Maybe Detlef is just really gay and we should butt out."

TOULOUSE, France- Bobo is a male monkey who is never happy unless he's dressed up like Bette Midler and putting on a show. "Oh my god, does Bobo go into a funk if he hasn't been able to do his Divine Miss M routine for awhile," said Collette Archambeau, director of media relations. And Dr. Michel Delatoille, head of primate research at the Giverny Institute claims Bobo is proof of transvestism in primates. "Unless monkeys are capable of making a deviant life style choice Bobo is proof that sexuality with all its styles, subsets and piccadilloes is innate. When you see him lip synch to "Wind Beneath My Wings" you know this is just something he has to do."

ZIHUATANEJO, Mexico- Town elders believed that tourist visits would increase if traditional bull fighting was brought back to this former fishing village. But the opening day for the brand new bull fighting stadium proved to be a public relations disaster. "El Toro de Muerte," the Bull of Death, a powerful animal of famous lineage, was brought in for the opening festivities and within seconds of being released proceeded to jump into the stands and chase the crowd away. "Sadly, some Americans were scared right back over the border," said Pepe LaPaz, spokesman for the area Chamber of Commerce. "Between this and the drug violence I don't think they'll ever come back."

REPUBLIC OF CONGO-A plane crash that killed 20 is being blamed on a crocodile. The lone survivor told investigators a hidden crocodile escaped from a passenger's sports bag and caused a stampede in the cabin, throwing the small plane off balance. The crocodile lived through the crash, only to be killed by a blow from a machete. The plane was on a routine flight from the capital, Kinshasa, to the regional airport in Bandundu, when the incident occurred. The survivor is quoted in an inquiry report, saying the crocodile escaped as the plane began its descent. With the creature on the lose, panic ensued. "The terrified air hostess hurried towards the cockpit, followed by the passengers," recounted the survivor. With the plane suddenly off-balance, it went out of control and crashed into a house a few hundred feet from the airport. When emergency crew members approached the wreckage the crocodile slithered out and was dispatched. "There are lots of reasons to prohibit international trade of exotic species, and what happens when a croc gets loose on a plane is just another one," said Mott Abel, head of the International Exotic Species Protection Organization.

MOSCOW, Russia- A police officer had to dive for cover when a pack of wild wolves started chasing him on an urban freeway. The shocked officer had just pulled over a motorist on the highway, then suddenly, spotted a pack of maurauding wolves behind him and had to jump into the car he had just stopped. The officer had to stay inside until the 10-strong pack of wolves decided to leave, during which time he opted to not give the driver a ticket. Wolves have been in the news in Russia including an attack in which wolves charged shoppers in a Moscow supermarket parking lot, then scavenging grocery bags dropped by the scared city dwellers. The grey wolves appear to have overcome any fear of humans in their search for food. Some older Moscovites believe they might also be communists because they all did equal work in the attacks.

ALAMEDA, California- It started with "a pair of eyes." It ended with an Alameda woman screaming, her terrified dog going into an epileptic seizure and a pack of angry raccoons inflicting a puncture wound in her leg. Rachel Campos de Ivanov was walking her 20-pound Yorkshire terrier when she spotted the glowing eyes behind a baseball diamond fence. The eyes belonged to a raccoon that climbed up and over the fence and started walking toward her, and was soon joined by four more raccoons that silently descended from nearby trees. Campos de Ivanov tried to get away, but tripped. "I felt like Jamie Lee Curtis in that slasher movie where she wants to run from the creep with the hockey mask but can't get her legs to move. It is so pathetic but that is really what happens. I thought they just made up that pathetic-girl-can't-run thing for the movies." Campos de Ivanov hoped they'd leave her alone but the raccoons kept coming and that's when one of the assailants sunk its teeth into her leg. Alameda County is investigating the attack, the seventh reported since June.

DUSSELDORF, Germany- Helga the brown bear has been putting on quite a show for visitors to the Wilhelm Zoo recently. But for some, things have gone too far. "It's hard to imagine how but Helga seems to have put together what postures bother humans, especially parents with kids, and ends up doing them to drive people away," said Barbel Mishkat, director of customer relations. "Sometimes she even repeatedly points at her groin, suggesting God knows what. She obviously is not a happy bear. Maybe she is just stretching, but I doubt it."

SONOMA, California- Hot air balloon ride company, Elevated Exteriors, has been in business for 34 years. In that time owner Janet Cromley has seen many unplanned things happen but never a circling flock of persistent swans forcing a balloon to radically change course and then knock over a row of porta-potties. And to make matters worse every one of the porta-potties was occupied and some of the occupants who were injured either physically or emotionally are suing. "There's lots of things we worry about in this business but that was not one. I hope they withdraw their lawsuits but after seeing them come out of those porta-potties sideways I can understand why they were upset," said Cromley.

NORTH SWINDON, England- Numerous residents filed reports with the local police after discovering the brake cables in their cars had been severed by an unknown assailant. After detective work it was discovered instead of a roving gang of human hooligans, the vandals were in fact a band of squirrels with a taste for car parts. An off duty police-officer solved the mystery after noticing tiny teeth marks on his cruiser's recently severed brake cable. To prevent a community backlash against squirrels, police issued a statement telling folks to not take the law into their own hands but did post several squirrel recipes on their website.

BIG PINE KEY, Florida- A marine mystery unfolded in the Florida Keys when something leapt from the water, punctured the lung of a woman in a kayak and returned to the ocean. Karri Larsonwas was rushed to the hospital, where she was listed in serious but stable condition. "It sounds like a houndfish," said Jason Schratwieser, of the International Game Fish Association. "Those things will jump out and impale people." The kayakers were on a "nice Sunday kayak ride," when they saw "a big fish skipping across the water," near them, then turn their way and zoom in for the kill. "It did it on purpose. I saw the look in its eyes. That fish wanted me out of the ocean," said the wheezing kayaker.