Raccons Can Even Terrify New Yorkers

NEW YORK, New York- Carol Aiello used to spot the intruders only at night, prowling her backyard or scurrying along her street in Queens. But last week she caught one of them staring at her from a neighbor’s gutter and she panicked. "It was nothing like what you see on TV or in children’s books," said Ms. Aiello. "That thing was big, it was ugly and it was scary." Raccoons are no longer a rarity in the city. They seem to be appearing in greater numbers and, like true New Yorkers, behaving much more boldly. New Yorkers are coming across them on stoops and rooftops, by bird feeders and garbage cans, on the edge of above-ground pools, even inside kitchen drawers. Councilman James Vacca said "Years ago, people thought this was cute. Well, it's not cute when a raccoon is scratching at your door at 2 in the morning." Last month, in Brooklyn, a raccoon suffocated to death after somehow finding its way inside a kitchen drawer. Two other raccoons tried to break into the same house, but couldn’t figure out how to get through a glass window. Assemblywoman Cathy Nolan of Queens said that seven raccoons sauntered among the guests at a Fourth of July street party in Ridgewood, mystifying children, terrifying parents and nearly ruining the celebration. Sherry Ortega, is too scared to let her sons swim at night. "To the raccoons our pool is the local watering hole. I call, ‘Hey!’ but they look at you like, ‘Are you talkin' to me?’ You yell, you spray them with water, you turn the lights on, but they’re not afraid." Some are not afraid, though. Brooklyn resident and NRA regional chairman Sid Micious added, "I can assure you there are enough legal gun owners in the area to take care of this problem. But the city has to make it legal for us to bear arms against this threat."
Gators Invade Chicago
CHICAGO, Illinois- A 4 foot American Alligator in the Chicago River is the second to be sighted in the area this month. Police wouldn't confirm whether the alligator had been living beneath the city's streets, but witnesses said the gator climbed out of the sewer, giving legs to a long standing urban legend. Meanwhile, residents of Chicago, a city known more for its icy winds than its wetlands, have spotted at least two different alligators on the Chicago River this summer. Police captured an alligator on the city's North Side and days later boaters spotted another gator basking in the sun on the riverside. Although alligators aren't accustomed to living in northern metropolises, that doesn't mean a gator couldn't survive if it found the right conditions. "If they can find entry to a basement or camp our near an exhaust vent for a laundromat they can get through the winter. And they will be hungry. Guard your dogs and cats," said zoologist Billy Ellis.
Man Trains Crocodile
BOGOTA, Columbia- Gespacho Tommasso has trained a crocodile named Giganto to interact with humans in a friendly way. "Giganto loves people. He can be fed by hand... tourists love doing that. Makes for great pictures. And if you are a good swimmer, you can go in and wrestle Giganto. Bring the video camera. This is a vacation you are going to want to remember and show your friends."
Elk Ruin Kid's Swimmin' Hole
TINKEL CREEK, Wyoming- Howie Kline promised his kids that if they worked hard on the family ranch, which is miles from the nearest neighbor or town, he would build them a swimming pond. "They don't have friends to play with most days so I wanted to give them a place to swim and goof off," said the frustrated father. Kline built a spring fed pond for his kids to cool off after long days herding cattle but the first day after the spring had finally filled it a herd of elk settled in. "Did you know elk like to go number two in water? Well, we found out the hard way. Now, I'm told I have to drain the whole damn thing and shovel it out and start over," reports Kline.
Shark Says "Get Off My Beach"
SEASIDE, New Jersey- A 5-foot shark swam ashore at Seaside Park as swimmers were called out of the water, then stood around watching it in amazement. Eventually, the shark flopped back into the ocean and swam away. Swimmers returned to the water once it was deemed safe but not everyone was happy about it, especially Anthony "Tony" Tenor. "That shark came right up to my kids and I know it didn't make no noise, but it was like it was shoutin,' 'Hey youse' kids, get off my beach!' I do the same thing when the neighbor kids get in the yard so I recognized the attitude. That shark didn't like us being there. But it was hotter than hell back at the house so once the other kids got back in and didn't get eaten I let my kids go, too."
DEA Badge Has Limited Power in South Dakota

WRANGLER GULCH, South Dakota- DEA officer, Dale Swinkert, was following a tip that drug runners had set up a marijuana patch in a remote part of the state. After arriving at the ranch the patch was supposedly on he told the owner "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher, Carl "Binky" Orloff told Swinkert "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," pointing to a pasture down the road. Swinkert later said he was in no mood to argue after his long, bone jarring ride to the location and should have listened. "I went into my standard, 'Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me,' spiel and showed him my badge and said, 'This badge allows me to go anywhere I want to, get it!?' So, Mr. Orloff just smiled and waved me on. Next thing I know I am being chased by the biggest damn bull I have ever seen and Mr. Orloff is shouting "Show him your badge, show him your badge." Next time I'll slow down and listen to what the property owner has to say." Agent Swinkert escaped with minor injuries.
Flying Fish Finishes Off Kayak Racer

COLUMBIA, Missouri- A flying fish forced a Texas kayaker ashore just short of crossing the finish line at an annual Missouri River endurance race. Brad Pennington was one of the favorites in the Missouri River 340, a canoe and kayak race in Kansas City, Kan. But a 30-pound Asian silver carp put an end to his dreams of winning when it jumped from the water and hit him in the head. "It felt like a brick hit me," Pennington said.
Pennington said he had to withdraw because of a "pounding, pounding headache that kept getting worse. "It's definitely a risk being out on the river," said Tracy Hill, with the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service's local fisheries office. "It's extremely serious. Those things can kill you." Hill and his colleagues already wear construction hard hats while on the job. He suggested, with a straight face, that an upgrade to hockey helmets and protective netting might be in order. Pennington joked with friends before the race that he might be attacked by a carp in retribution for his being an avid fisherman but now that it has happened he says it's not so funny. "My head isn't OK yet and being on water makes me sea sick, now. I guess those fish fixed me but good."
...and Let's Customers Wrestle Him
Dingo Berry did wrestle Giganto but didn't find him well-trained enough. "Hey man, I paid to wrestle a tame croc. This thing nearly took my leg off. Can you imagine how that would ruin your vacation? Giganto is not well-trained." Gespacho admits Berry had a bad experience but claims Giganto was just in a bad mood. "I think I fed him some bad chicken."
Man Punches Out Polar Bear

WHALE COVE, Canada- If a polar bear walks into your tent one thing that works is to punch it really hard in the nose. But you really have to commit according to Wes Werbowy, the 67-year-old wilderness guide who came face-to-face with a polar bear, while out camping in the far Canadian north, and survived. "He was just suddenly there in my tent. I've got a thousand pounds of bear, standing on my firearm, his face collapsing the screening of my tent right toward me, I'm still in my sleeping bag and this black nose is about two feet from my face." Werbowy says, in a flash he thought of two things-an Inuit elder who told him that for all their toughness polar bears have very sensitive noses and a nun who used to hit his hand with a ruler in grade school. The elder was right. With the fury of an angry nun Werbowy punched the bear with it all he had, walloped the furry white intruder straight in the kisser and the humbled beast took off bellowing into the night. "Sister Eloise even looked like that Inuit elder. If you put a fur collar on her habit, she'd look just like Nanuck."
Teenage Girl Hits Five Deer in a Year
CONRAD, Iowa- In the last 12 months, 17 year old Kacee Larson has hit five deer while driving her family's vehicles. Kacee's string of bad luck began last July when she hit her first deer and continued last week when she got number five. Kacee has flipped cars and minivans and killed a few and nicked a few other deer and now she is now known as "Deer Magnet Larson." After number four she was thinking, "'Why me, why me?' But now I know why. They hate me. Don't know what I did to them but they are out to get me so now I am to to get them." Kacee's mom just wishes the destruction would stop, saying, "The last car she destroyed was the only nice thing we had left."