January 21, 2018

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Squirrel Likes The Indoors Better
MONTGOMERY, Alabama- Many homeowners know squirrels occasionally come in through chimneys or claw gaps in a soffet to take up residence in the attic. But at least one squirrel has learned how to open the door and just make itself at home. Ginni White told everyone who would listen that a squirrel was letting itself into her house but nobody would believed her. That is, until she caught the unwelcome visitor red handed. "I don't know exactly what it does in here but my long distance bill is higher than normal and I don't recognize lots of numbers on it. But I am afraid to call the numbers and say, 'Have you ever gotten a call from a squirrel?'"
A Real Snake On a Plane
PORT MORESBY, Papua New Guinea- A 10 ft. python battled to retain its grip on the wing as a plane it was flying on made its way between the Australian town of Cairns and Port Moresby in Papua New Guinea. The determined reptile held on for the whole 1 hr 50 min flight. The snake's body was hammered against the engine, leaving blood stains on the white paint as passengers watched it struggle to find a safer spot. Flight attendant Laura Gomez reported that the passengers stayed fairly calm but more than a few people were very tentative when looking into seat back pockets, over head bins and especially using the bathroom.
"Young Hitler" Scares Animal Lover/Vegetarian
BOSTON, Massachusetts- Co-workers Derk Asmunder and Lilliam Lum never got along, but nobody thought the animosity would lead to a lawsuit. For years, Lum, a strict vegan and SPCA member, found it offensive that Asmunder "revels in eating meat in front of me. One day, he looked at his sandwich and said, 'Mmmm... puppy is good,' and I nearly passed out." That day, in a conversation with the Human Resources Department, Lum called Asmunder a "Young Hitler." The next day Asmunder showed up sporting a new haircut and eventually a mustache, which according to Lum is all designed to annoy her. HR specialist Kendra Saddlen said, "Who would have thought a love of animals and a mustache could put us all in court but here we go."
"I Think I Put a Bobcat in My Car"
BANGOR, Maine- Police are warning people to be careful handling injured animals after a woman tried to rescue what she thought was a house cat she hit with her vehicle which turned out to be a bobcat. Police say the woman placed the injured animal in her van but while driving it became alert and the woman then realized she was driving with a wild bobcat in her back seat. The woman got out of the vehicle, followed by the bobcat which hid under the van and had to be euthanized, after being subdued by game wardens. Police Chief Jerry Balistrieri says people should be careful handling injured animals and recommends calling an animal control officer "Before Mrs. Magoo puts a bear in her station wagon thinking she hit a black lab."
Bear Loves Barbecue
BARABOO, Wisconsin- Bears often haunt the areas humans live in because there are easy pickings for food. But usually those areas include garbage cans and coolers at a campsite, not your deck, and especially not your barbecue. But Cindy Coyle no longer gets to cook out because a local bear keeps showing up on her deck and waits for her to bring out the steak or brats or whatever she used to cook on her barbecue. "This bear thinks he is part of the family. He just waits for dinner. But I don't cook out there anymore. What if he doesn't like pork?"
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