Flying Fish Finishes Off Kayak Racer
COLUMBIA, Missouri- A flying fish forced a Texas kayaker ashore just short of crossing the finish line at an annual Missouri River endurance race. Brad Pennington was one of the favorites in the Missouri River 340, a canoe and kayak race in Kansas City, Kan. But a 30-pound Asian silver carp put an end to his dreams of winning when it jumped from the water and hit him in the head. "It felt like a brick hit me," Pennington said.
Pennington said he had to withdraw because of a "pounding, pounding headache that kept getting worse. "It's definitely a risk being out on the river," said Tracy Hill, with the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service's local fisheries office. "It's extremely serious. Those things can kill you." Hill and his colleagues already wear construction hard hats while on the job. He suggested, with a straight face, that an upgrade to hockey helmets and protective netting might be in order. Pennington joked with friends before the race that he might be attacked by a carp in retribution for his being an avid fisherman but now that it has happened he says it's not so funny. "My head isn't OK yet and being on water makes me sea sick, now. I guess those fish fixed me but good."
...and Let's Customers Wrestle Him
Dingo Berry did wrestle Giganto but didn't find him well-trained enough. "Hey man, I paid to wrestle a tame croc. This thing nearly took my leg off. Can you imagine how that would ruin your vacation? Giganto is not well-trained." Gespacho admits Berry had a bad experience but claims Giganto was just in a bad mood. "I think I fed him some bad chicken."
Man Punches Out Polar Bear
WHALE COVE, Canada- If a polar bear walks into your tent one thing that works is to punch it really hard in the nose. But you really have to commit according to Wes Werbowy, the 67-year-old wilderness guide who came face-to-face with a polar bear, while out camping in the far Canadian north, and survived. "He was just suddenly there in my tent. I've got a thousand pounds of bear, standing on my firearm, his face collapsing the screening of my tent right toward me, I'm still in my sleeping bag and this black nose is about two feet from my face." Werbowy says, in a flash he thought of two things-an Inuit elder who told him that for all their toughness polar bears have very sensitive noses and a nun who used to hit his hand with a ruler in grade school. The elder was right. With the fury of an angry nun Werbowy punched the bear with it all he had, walloped the furry white intruder straight in the kisser and the humbled beast took off bellowing into the night. "Sister Eloise even looked like that Inuit elder. If you put a fur collar on her habit, she'd look just like Nanuck."
Teenage Girl Hits Five Deer in a Year
CONRAD, Iowa- In the last 12 months, 17 year old Kacee Larson has hit five deer while driving her family's vehicles. Kacee's string of bad luck began last July when she hit her first deer and continued last week when she got number five. Kacee has flipped cars and minivans and killed a few and nicked a few other deer and now she is now known as "Deer Magnet Larson." After number four she was thinking, "'Why me, why me?' But now I know why. They hate me. Don't know what I did to them but they are out to get me so now I am to to get them." Kacee's mom just wishes the destruction would stop, saying, "The last car she destroyed was the only nice thing we had left."
Bimbo Bothers Bison
YELLOW STONE, Wyoming- A few tourists at Yellowstone National Park nearly got trampled by a charging bison. Cathy Hayes was taping a buffalo as her friend tried to get up close and personal with the beast. Footage from Hayes's camera shows how close they got before the bison got disturbed and started its charge. State Park official Cary Odes said, "Just because you have a video camera doesn't mean you have to tape yourself doing something stupid. The percentage of tourists who do dumb things like pet buffalo, feed bears, skinny dip in boiling hot springs has gone up exponentially since everyone has a video camera in their cell phone."