March 01, 2015

Best of Vague But True

It's True, I'm not Making That Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Ball-Peen Hammer Saves Woman From Murderous Deer
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PRESTON, Idaho- Sue Panter was screaming to God to not let her die when Michael Vaughan and his 17-year-old daughter Alexis rushed in and saved her life. Panter had gone for a morning jog when a deer came out of a corn field and started running along side her for an eerie amount of time. "It ran parallel with me with its head lowered so I knew I was going down. It was just a matter of time," Panter said. Then the deer charged at Panter, throwing her off the road into the corn field. Panter played dead, hoping the diabolical deer would quit piercing her legs with its antlers but "When it stuck its antler through my neck I decided, if I don't fight back I'm dead." And that's when Michael and Alexis showed up. Alexis jumped out and started punching the deer which responding by turning on her Dad, stabbing him in the leg over and over. So, Alexis grabbed a hammer from the car and bonked the deer on its noggin until it ran off into the cornfield. Fish and Game officials say if people confront this deer they should not try to kill it themselves but if they are going to using a hammer instead of a gun is safer for the public at large.
'Gator Ruins Wisconsin Camping Trip
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PRESCOTT, Wisconsin- Derrick Radke and his fiancť were out for a relaxing weekend on the Mississippi River and had pulled up to shore, to pitch a tent. Thatís when Radke noticed what he thought was a muskrat swimming toward them. But as it got closer they realized the brazen creature wasn't a muskrat, it looked a lot more like a three-foot-long alligator. "I never thought I would say these words here in Wisconsin but I blurted out, 'Oh my god, that's an alligator.'" The fearless 'gator ended up sunning itself on a log jam in the channel while the humans went looking for help. When explaining to sheriffs in a nearby river patrol boat that he had just seen an alligator Radke first thought, "They were going to ask me to pee in a cup, but I had a picture on my iPhone to prove it." he said. With police backup he and McKenna began packing up their camping gear. "It was her first camping trip, and I think it is going to be her last. She was worried about all kinds of things being out there and the first animal we see wasn't even on her list," Radke said.
Squirrels Dishonor America and Police Memorial
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TOLEDO, Ohio- Police in Ohio have discovered that flags being swiped from a police memorial were being squirreled away. Two Toledo officers staked out the crime scene and observed a squirrel snatching a flag and running off with it. But, Lt. James Brown told reporters the bushy-tailed critter was too quick to apprehend. Upon further investigation, several known associates were spotted in possession of the stolen property sitting in their squirrel's nest made of at least two of the flags. Brown's pointed out he can't prove all the thefts were the work of the same squirrel, but added, "They are stealing, then degrading our nation's symbol. When we will be allowed to fight back?"
Deer Hammers Granny But Grandpa Wins the Battle
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GRANTS PASS, Oregon- An 80 year old Josephine County woman found herself in a sudden struggle to save her life as an aggressive buck repeatedly attacked her. Eva Speicher lives with deer around her home so did not expect her life might be in danger. But on Tuesday one four-legged neighbor knocked her unconscious right in her front yard and when she awoke the angry deer was still poking at her. The buck even bit her. That's when Eva grabbed its antlers causing the buck to fall, giving her a chance to get away. But the crazed animal wasnít finished; he continued to attack her as she headed for the house. And that's when her sharp shooter husband Bert leveled his rifle out of a front room window and stopped the demonic deer in its tracks. "I never liked him keeping loaded guns all over the place when we were younger and these days he is a little shaky but it still worked out in my favor," said his grateful but bruised wife.
Suicide Cow Hits Truck, Spills Milk
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CLINTON, Wisconsin- The driver of a semitrailer truck carrying milk escaped serious injury after his rig hit a cow on U.S. 51 about two miles south of Clinton. Larry Foster was traveling north when his milk truck struck a cow that darted out onto the roadway. After the impact, Fosterís truck spun into the median, flipped over, and lost it's entire load of milk, said Deputy David Lansford of the DeWitt County Sheriffís Department. "I swear the look in that cow's eyes right before impact said, 'How dare you sell our milk without profit sharing for the cows," declared Foster, a union member.
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