July 28, 2015

Best of Vague But True

It's True, I'm not Making That Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Cat Has To Sleep On Banister
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IOWA CITY, Iowa- Cletus the Cat, has always been quirky, even for a cat. But his new habit of refusing to sleep anywhere but wrapped over a banister has led to some unfortunate moments for eight year old Christy Cletus, who suffers from nervous bowel syndrome. Several times during the night, Christy wakes and half-asleep, walks through the dark to the bathroom. And when her hand hits Cletus on the banister an eight year old human and cat both scream. "It happens every night. Her bowels were nervous enough before Cletus started this banister thing, now it's worse," said her mother who is considering crate training her cat.
I'll Rub Yours For Food
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HOUSTON, Texas- Richard C. Johnson believes he has witnessed the first proof of non-human capitalism. A veterinarian at the Houston County Zoo, Johnson observes several species of monkeys on a day to day basis and according to him a female named Lola is in business as a masseuse. Various species of monkeys visit Lola for a thorough rub down and "pay her with food and shiny objects they find," according to Johnson. "I saw one Howler monkey give Lola a quarter after a long massage and that's when it occurred to me what was going on."
Bird Smile Signal To Rest of Flock
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PENSACOLA, Florida- Birds have been observed recently flying in formations that seem to have some sort of symbolic intent. "We see smiles formations, arrows that point, and one day we thought we saw a bird question mark," reports resident Cindy Coyle. "I don't know what it means but I am keeping an eye on them."
Tyke Taunts Terrible Tom
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AUSTIN, Texas- One of the great rodeo bulls of all time, Terrible Tom, has been retired to the Lazy D ranch owned by James J. "Jimmy" Morin. When Jimmy Jr. first met Terrible Tom he was a little intimated but now his dad says "Jimmy ain't backin' down from Terrible T, in fact, he's buckin' for a fight. I don't know what he thinks he's doing but Junior has a 'tude 'bout T.T. T.T. had enough one day and shoved Junior into the dust. Kind of funny. Hope my little guy learned something. Don't pick a fight with a bull."
Urban Coyote Snatches Daschund
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MADISON, Wisconsin- A family is still looking for their dog that was snatched by an urban coyote. At 5:30 a.m. Mary Lee Wagnus let the family's Dachshund, Buster, out into the yard, left briefly and returned in time to see a coyote run off with Buster in its mouth. Experts say Madison has an endemic coyote population and the nocturnal animals are well-adjusted to urban life, coming out from parks and other areas at dawn and dusk. "They may not be viewing another dog as food," added Patrick Comfert from Public Health of Dane County. "They may be viewing it as competition for territory or a mate." Wagnus finds the idea that her little Buster could be perceived as competition for an amorous male coyote as insult to injury. "Old Buster could barely get himself back up our steps let alone service a coyote."
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