April 23, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Bear and Moose Plan Hit On Driver
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OSLO, Norway- A Norwegian driver who swerved to avoid running into a moose hit a bear instead. From his hospital room, Rolf Oofdah, said "What are the odds of this? Moose comes out, I have to go this way to not hit it, and that way sends me right into a bear and then a tree. Strangest thing I have ever seen. What were those two doing out there?"
Bears Force Campers To Higher Ground
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BANFF, Canada- A summer family reunion camping trip turned out to be a real adventure for the Mark Preublyski family of Calgary. The outdoorsy family has camped out, over many generations, at the same spot on the Clendennon River. And for decades there had never been any problems until this year when bears forced them to pitch their tents on the sheer wall of a rock face. "Thankfully some of the kids had brought rappelling gear so we just hitched up the tents and slept on the rock face, in safety. Damn bears wanted our beef jerky so bad they wouldn't leave us alone," said the family patriach.
Kangaroo Escapes With Help of Fox and Boar
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FRANKFURT, Germany- Michael Hoffmann, assistant head of the Hochwildschutzpark Hunsrück said three kangaroos escaped overnight with the help of wild animals that live in the local woods. Hoffmann said two kangaroos got out of their enclosure after a young fox snuck into the park and dug a hole next to the Kangaroo cage's fencing. The third 'roo escaped the park through another hole dug by a wild boar. "We've got two of them; now we're looking for the third," Hoffman said. It has not been verified but citizens who live near the zoo reported seeing a fox riding on the back of a kangaroo, maybe even directing it on which way to hop. Police believe that report to be a prank but are patrolling the area, as a precaution.
Bull Convinces Matador Not To Kill
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MAJORCA, Spain- Speddio Gonzales, a Matador with the rank of El Jefe Grande, with 323 kills to his credit, suddenly abandoned his profession, in the middle of a performance. According to Gonzales, a bull named Dingos, convinced him that killing bulls was wrong. "Dingos spoke to me, with his eyes... I don't know how to say it, except... he wanted to be my friend and I said, 'yes'." Both Dingos and Gonzales have retired to his estate near Barcelona.
Fish Love Balls
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LITCHFIELD, Illinois- The pacu, a toothy fish native to the Amazon that can weigh up to 55 pounds, has been spotted in Lake Lou Yaeger in Illinois. Lake superintendent Jim Caldwell said pacus primarily eat nuts, aquatic vegetation and snails and pose no real threat to humans but residents of Papua New Guinea beg to differ. There, the pacu is known as the "ball cutter," because several fisherman have died from blood loss after something in the water had bitten off their testicles. Because pacus are native to the Amazon Basin, any in the Illinois lake are likely former aquarium pets but local resident Bob Weber said, "Why are we so sure of that? Why aren't they moving north? There's lots of unsuspecting testicles swimming in our lakes. Why wouldn't they come up here? That's just nature at work. I can tell you this. If I am swimming somewhere that is not a pool, I'll be wearing a cup."
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