May 25, 2016

Best of Vague But True

It's True, I'm not Making That Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Chimps Raising Human Hating Tigers
COLUMBUS, Ohio- The world famous Columbus Zoo has gone ahead with a controversial program allowing chimpanzees to nurse and raise tigers. But some zoologists and biologists have worried about the dangers of primates raising animals that can kill man with one swipe of its paw. "Listen, chimps are cute and everything but they can turn on you, just like that," said Archie Johnson, Phd., from the Ohio State University Veterinary School. "I've seen it, too many times. These tigers are getting sustenance from infancy from the chimps, so that is a powerful relationship. If the chimps decide a trainer is someone they don't like, who knows what they might tell the tiger to do." Johnson made his comments at a Zoo fund raising event and has been place on administrative leave.
Governor Sides With Birds, Fights Bears
MONTPELIER, Vermont- Vermont governor Peter Shumlin had a close encounter with four bears in his backyard who were first attacking his bird feeders and then him. Shumlin noticed the bears going after his feeders and took action. I open the window and yell at them but they blow me off so I figure Ive got to get the birdfeeders out of there or theyre going to make this a habit." That's when the governor rushed out and grabbed two of his feeders, and as he was trying to escape one of the bigger bears was interested in me. Shumlin said the bear was probably six feet from him when he got through the back door and slammed it shut. While Shumlin captured much of the event on his iPhone, according to him much of it wasnt suitable for media outlets. I sleep like many Vermont boys, Im not a big pajama person. The bottom line is-the bears were dressed better than I." Why not bring pants or a gun to an encounter with four bears? "I'm from Vermont," said the governor.
Turkeys Defy Commerce
CEDAR FALLS, Iowa- A small band of turkeys often can be seen moseying through yards in the mornings, sometimes stalling a line of slow-moving cars down city streets. Turkeys surround cars, plump toms plopping themselves down in front of car's bumpers. Others birds bop up and down, dodging their head above and below the hood. Years ago skittish turkeys would flee from car horns and opening doors, but not now. Turkeys today are more than happy to break up the everyday comings and goings of American Enterprise. Their new found boldness can be chalked up to the approaching mating season, which begins next month. "Or, they hate humans going to work," says legal secretary Sue Wadel, who got stuck in a traffic jam, and missed an important deposition. "Why else would they do this?"
Swan Says "Take This Job and Suck Water"
DES PLAINES, Illinois- A 37-year-old man drowned in the pond at a Des Plaines apartment complex following an altercation with a swan. Anthony Hensley, who worked for a company that uses swans and dogs to keep geese away from the ponds, was in a kayak checking on one of their long necked pond protectors when it swam toward him, and soon Hensley was under water. As Hensley tried to swim towards shore other swans joined the attack. The autopsy showed Hensley drowned, never making it all the way out of the water. "We gave these swans honest work and they turned on us," said Glenn Shurely, owner of Paws and Wings Pond Protection Services.
"And That's When I Said 'Enough'"
PONTOONALONG, India- It took a lot for Liz Linstead to get her husband Rob to agree to visit India. Rob was worried about many things including language issues, sanitation, a finicky stomach, but when he saw a three headed cobra, he'd had enough. "I told Liz, I was going home and if she wanted to stay, fine, but I was out of there."
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