July 28, 2014

Best of Vague But True

It's True, I'm not Making That Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

"The Flash Must Have Scared Him Off"
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LARGE GAP, Oregon- Tom Bauman went hunting alone, and after a long day of tracking got his elk. Bauman then set up a camera on a stump to record his trophy kill. After the auto-timer and flash went off the jubilant hunter began the arduous task of dragging his elk back to the cabin. Days later, back at home, the still beaming hunter downloaded the photos he took of the hunt and noticed he was not alone when he posed with that trophy elk. In fact, right behind him was a trophy mountain lion that wanted Bauman's trophy elk for dinner. Or, perhaps, the hunter himself was to be dinner. "I have no idea why that cat left me alone but I think the flash must have scared him off," said the ex-elk hunter. "When you're in the woods posing next to a big hunk of meat, always use the flash," recommends Bauman.
I Hope You Like What I Ordered
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I had dreams about hiking deep into the wilderness and using a telephoto lens and sitting still for hours just to see something. But apparently, if there is road kill around you'll get some great shots from your car."
I Love You So Much... I Really Do...
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... Petersen, an amateur photographer from Kansas City, MO, said "From the way they act when they are out on a date these bears are more like us than you'd ever think."
"They're Trying To Ruin Our Christmas"
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FAIRBANKS, Alaska- Archerd and Maxine Johnson thought they had seen it all after living 78 years in Alaska. From moose in their jacuzzi to fox sleeping on their couch to chipmunks in their sock drawers, the local wildlife had made their presence known in every possible way. Until, that is, three polar bears decided to camp out, every day, in their driveway. "We can't back out of our own garage. And I don't think our children will bring the grand kids over for Christmas Eve if there are polar bears on the way to front door. Why won't the DNR or somebody do something about this? They're endangered species so we're not allowed to push them out of the way with the car, but I'd sure like to."
Deer Tries To Corrupt Cat
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ISHPEMING, Michigan- Dorothy Powers fears her cat, Mr. Dexter, is being turned to the dark side by the deer that visit her sun porch. "Mr. Dexter is the most delightful cat I have ever had," said the frightened senior. "That is, until these deer started visiting. After they talk to him through the glass he goes beserk, knocking over my cane, crashing through the dishes on the counter, knocking over candles. If my husband were alive he'd take the gun out there and end this thing but all I can do is yell at Mr. Dexter and hope he comes to his senses." Mrs. Powers noted her husband, the late Dexter Powers was an avid deer hunter.
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