November 25, 2014

Best of Vague But True

It's True, I'm not Making That Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

"They Know How To Cooperate With One Another"
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BARBUTTI, South Africa- Petr Carson knows as much about the Africa Bush as any living person. And he has never, in all his years as a park ranger, seen a zebra and a mule team up to have a family. "I don't know if they are just in love or want to do the right thing once the dirty deed was done but dad and mom are staying together to raise that kid," said the astonished outdoorsman. "Historically these two parents would not be seen together but maybe things are changing."
"It's a Cat Food Motherload"
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SPRINGFIELD, Illinois- State officials so far have had no answer for the carp problem affecting local rivers. But Rob Heymann thinks he has an obvious solution. "Cats love fish. And we have lots of both. Let's get boats leading barges with electrified nets on deck and clean these rivers and become the biggest producer of cat food in the world." Experts doubt this plan would work but Heymann claims he has investors already lined up and it's worth a try if the state will give him the permits.
Countless Carp Ruin Romance
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ARGOSY, Missouri- An age old question for young lovers has always been where can you get romantic without being caught by your parents. For two unfortunate teens the Mississippi and the boy's father's boat is no longer that place. DNR Warden Denise Bukolt, who happened by the distressed and undressed youngsters said "I figured they've suffered enough so we are not going to cite them. A bunch of hefty carp jumped in the boat and one nailed him right in the wrong spot. I heard a scream and that's when I decided to cruise by and investigate. It was quite a sight."
Cat Puts Cleveland Man in Houston Hospital
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CLEVELAND, Ohio- A Cleveland man was attacked by a house cat and his injuries were so severe he had to be taken by air ambulance to Memorial Hermann Hospital in Houston, Texas. The man told game wardens Danny Diaz and Adam Broll his cat had never done anything like this before. Diaz and Broll said that makes sense, pointing out, it's silly to keep a cat that puts you in the hospital. The man agreed as they took the now caged cat away while simultaneously arguing with his insurance company over who is going to pay for the helicopter trip to Houston.
Deer Guards Goose Nest in Cemetery
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BUFFALO, New York- A male deer has been steadfastly standing watch over a female goose nesting in a cemetery for four straight days. The buck guards the nest as she sits on her eggs inside a large urn, near the remains of President Millard Fillmore and rock icon Rick James. "He's either guarding the goose or a Super Freak of a deer," said Erie County SPCA Wildlife Administrator Joel Thomas. Workers have attempted to move the nest but were aggressively chased off every time. "Why the deer has chosen to champion a goose is an open question but if the goslings have antlers we'll have a good idea," added Thomas.
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