May 25, 2013

Best of Vague But True

It's True, I'm not Making That Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Hurt Dog Shows Up At Emergency Room
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FARMINGTON, New Mexico- The patient was only slightly injured when he limped into the hospital. The only problem was, he was a dog. When the automatic doors at San Juan Medical Center's emergency room slid open, the pooch walked in, blood on his nose and paw, and a puncture hole in one leg. Animal control officer Robin Loev suspects the wound was from the bite of another dog. Loev says the German shepherd appeared to be intelligent and calm and knew enough to go to the right place. "They live with us, why wouldn't they start thinking and behaving like us? I think they should be covered under health care reform," said the devoted dog lover.
Now They Have Helmets!
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HONOLULU, Hawaii- City officials have tried to rid parks and neighborhoods of marauding squirrels for years, with little luck. With few natural predators on the island the rodents have proliferated. "And now they're wearing helmets," exclaimed Park and Rec Commissioner Sarah Gobney. "Before, if you found one in the house or garage you could stun 'em with a broom or rake but now, if they all learn to wear coconuts, we'll have to move up to guns."
Can Eagles Carry Off Dogs
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BEMIDJI, Minnesota- DNR officials are looking into a story from northern Minnesota that 51 dog collars were found in a recently fallen eagle's nest. Ornathologist David Edwards said "Eagles can lift about eight pounds max but when they can't carry it off they eat something where they kill it, including your dog right there on your sun deck," reported the raptor expert. But would they take a Yorkie's collar back to their nest as a trophy? "It appears they do take dog collars to their nest, but as a trophy? That would suggest a hatred of dogs or their human owners which is not possible. But just to be safe, if you live near Bemidji, don't let your pocket pets outside alone."
Bear Eats Drunk's Fingers
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MANITOWOC, Wisconsin- A zoo in Manitowoc was shut down after a bear bit off two fingers formerly belonging to a female visitor. Police say the 47-year-old had gone past barriers and warning signs at the Lincoln Park Zoo and was apparently trying to feed two bears around 11:30 a.m. when the bear bit off the woman's thumb and forefinger. Her boyfriend tried to pry her hand out of the bear's mouth and was also bitten. Mayor Justin Nickels' office says alcohol was a factor with both adults. A 3-year-old child with them was not harmed, but the mayor added, "We, here in government, try to create a safe environment for our citizens, but if you're going to get drunk and feed bears... at that point, well... you're on your own."
Climb For Cancer Cut Short by Gulls
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MORRO BAY, California- Cam Kreiter has climbed the most challenging mountain faces in the world. To raise money for a friend facing surgery he told sponsors he would climb Morro Rock in record time. And he was on his way to doing just that until he was attacked by dozens of sea gulls. "They weren't protecting a nest. There was nothing there for them to get defensive about. They just didn't want me to make it to the top. I have been up here hundreds of times and this has never happened... until a friend's life was on the line."
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