February 13, 2016

Best of Vague But True

It's True, I'm not Making That Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Turkeys Defy Commerce
CEDAR FALLS, Iowa- A small band of turkeys often can be seen moseying through yards in the mornings, sometimes stalling a line of slow-moving cars down city streets. Turkeys surround cars, plump toms plopping themselves down in front of car's bumpers. Others birds bop up and down, dodging their head above and below the hood. Years ago skittish turkeys would flee from car horns and opening doors, but not now. Turkeys today are more than happy to break up the everyday comings and goings of American Enterprise. Their new found boldness can be chalked up to the approaching mating season, which begins next month. "Or, they hate humans going to work," says legal secretary Sue Wadel, who got stuck in a traffic jam, and missed an important deposition. "Why else would they do this?"
Swan Says "Take This Job and Suck Water"
DES PLAINES, Illinois- A 37-year-old man drowned in the pond at a Des Plaines apartment complex following an altercation with a swan. Anthony Hensley, who worked for a company that uses swans and dogs to keep geese away from the ponds, was in a kayak checking on one of their long necked pond protectors when it swam toward him, and soon Hensley was under water. As Hensley tried to swim towards shore other swans joined the attack. The autopsy showed Hensley drowned, never making it all the way out of the water. "We gave these swans honest work and they turned on us," said Glenn Shurely, owner of Paws and Wings Pond Protection Services.
"And That's When I Said 'Enough'"
PONTOONALONG, India- It took a lot for Liz Linstead to get her husband Rob to agree to visit India. Rob was worried about many things including language issues, sanitation, a finicky stomach, but when he saw a three headed cobra, he'd had enough. "I told Liz, I was going home and if she wanted to stay, fine, but I was out of there."
"Get Off My Deck," Said the Bear
NEDERLANDER, Colorado- Jim Morin loves to have a morning cup of coffee on his deck, while reading the paper. But he can't anymore because a bear family also loves to spend mornings on his deck and they have claws and teeth and won the territorial war of wills. "Once the cubs grow up, I'm hoping they'll move on and I'll get my deck back. But I won't be surprised if they come into the kitchen one day and demand I get them coffee and leave."
Bear That Benefits From Capitalism Saves Man From Mad Mountain Lion That Doesn't
PARADISE, California- Robert Biggs gazed at the cuddly family of black bears for 10 minutes before continuing on his day-hike in northern California's Bean Soup Flat area. He'd been watching the mother bear and her brood from 40 feet away, when he was pounced on by a ferocious mountain lion. "He grabbed me from behind and knocked me to the ground," Biggs told The Huffington Post. "I was on my knees. I had my rock pick out because I was on a steep incline, and smashed the cat in the head with it. He screamed, but didn't let go." His backpack and rock pick were saving him from certain death but for how long? "That's when a blur on my left side grabbed the lion by its throat... turns out it was the momma bear," he said. "I heard a tremendous screeching, some growling noises," as the bear ripped the cat from his backpack, then the two clashed for another 15 seconds. The bear won the battle, forcing the cat to run away. Then a moment Biggs will never forget-before ambling back down to her cubs, the momma bear humbly made eye contact with Biggs. He told The Huffington Post, "I owe her everything. I'm 100-percent sure she did want to save my life. I'd seen this bear before and I know she knew who I was." The bear family often eats out of a dumpster near the trail head and seem to enjoy the ways of the humans they encounter but DNR officials advise that not all bears can be counted on to fight off mountain lions.
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