November 29, 2015

Best of Vague But True

It's True, I'm not Making That Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Swordfish Pierced Skin of Deep Sea Submarine
WASHINGTON, D.C.- Alvin, a famous US Navy deep sea submarine, survived the extreme conditions of deep sea exploration looking for lost hydrogen bombs, surveying the Titanic, and exploring a hydrothermal vent for the first time in history. But in 1967, it barely survived an encounter with a swordfish. Alvin was attacked at a depth of around 2,000 feet, in the Bahamas. The pilots heard a big metallic noise, the whole submarine shook, and something penetrated the outer hull. When they surfaced the crew saw they had nearly been sunk by the giant 1500 pound broad bill. The report of the attack had been given Top Secret status by officials who feared the Soviets had trained swordfish and sharks to harass and kill US Navy personnel. The file was declassified recently because the Pentagon believed the public should be aware of what swordfish are capable of on their own. This particular swordfish failed in its mission, and was cooked by the crew afterwards.
Cat Always Loses But Still Loves Trivial Pursuit
WARROAD, Minnesota- Long winters lead to lots of indoor games in this part of Minnesota, and generally the players are all human. Except in the Pella household. There, their cat, Dexter, loves to play Trivial Pursuit. Dexter never wins but insists on rolling the dice and moving a game piece. "We ask Dexter the question, he never answers and we move on, but if we don't let him play, he swats everything off the board," said Marvin Pella.
Posting To Facebook Leads To Death
HOFFMAN, Montana- Chris Paul was confronted by an aggressive bear while hiking through the Appleburg Range Park last week. Paul did, at least, one smart thing-he climbed a tree, getting himself away from the bear. Sadly, Paul also thought it was important to post real time updates on his situation to his Facebook page. "We found partial human remains and an iPhone near the tree," said Deputy Sheriff Scott Taylor. Paul's last post to Facebook was, "Look at those teeth... going in for a close up."
Book on "How To Hunt Lions" Missing Key Tip
BAATSGUANA, Kenya- Ralph Banto never feared going into the wild to shoot pictures because he educated himself on each new environment before venturing out. "Knowledge is how you avoid getting into impossible situations," said the photojournalist. But in the future Banto will read all research material before leaving home, not while in camp. "The book I got on lions and safe camping in the bush should have started with 'Read this book before pitching your tent,' said the still alive to tell about it father of four. "I don't know why I survived, but maybe that lion was so amazed to see someone reading a book on lions he didn't know what to do."
"We're Surrounded By Moose Babies"
KETCHUM, Idaho- It's not uncommon for those living in the ex-urbs to see wildlife but for suburban homeowners to have their yards turned into moose nurseries is new. Dottie and Darrell Tzsuka can no longer plant spring bulbs, prepare their garden or practice their short games on their putting green because they have a "baby moose infestation," in their yard. And there is nothing they can do about it. "The DNR says 'leave 'em alone,' and even if you try, they don't seem to be scared by much. I tried yelling at one and then beeping my horn and it just stared at me."
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