December 03, 2016

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

"How To Keep Dingoes From Eating Your Baby"
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MINNEAPOLIS, Minnesota- The Minneapolis Star-Tribune, a main stream family newspaper, recently ran a story with the headline "How to keep dingoes from eating your baby." An Australian coroner recently declared that a dingo was responsible for the 1980 death of infant Azaria Chamberlain. In clearing the child's parents of responsibility the coroner noted that more recent dingo attacks have proven the wild dogs willing and able to attack small humans. What other animals are known to prey on human children? Lions, tigers and bears, saltwater crocodiles, jaguars, wolves, and spotted hyenas clearly view humans as a potential foodstuff. They prefer vulnerable children to adults, but they have been known to hunt adults, as well. A group of smaller animals, including dingoes, coyotes, cougars and chimpanzees, are more selective and opportunistic. The Star-Tribune said they ran the story because more and more Minnesotans travel to Australian and several editors are big Meryl Streep fans.
Herd of Deer Ruin Birthday Party
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WAVERLY, Iowa- Anika Ramlo was so excited to have a big 12th birthday party she couldn't sleep for the two nights leading up the big event. She had told all her friends they would get to feed deer at the Happy Hooves deer park, which hosted the party. And for the three hours Anika and her friends were there not one of the deer budged from their spot or let the kids get close enough to pet them. Happy Hooves owner, Jake Lager, said, "We need to rethink a few things. We put the feeder where the deer can get at it all day and they just won't move away from it. When the kids come over to pet them the deer think they are after the food and chase them off. We've had a few close calls."
"They Have an Airforce"
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SUPERIOR, Wisconsin- On occasion everyone sees two different species of animals, other than humans and their pets or work animals, together. But even more rarely, do two species fly together. And yet, a young eagle and seagull have learned to fly and work together in Lake Superior. The gull finds the fish, bobbing on the surface, the eagle circles above, waiting for the signal to dive, and after the kill, the two fly off together to have lunch. "It's like they have an air force," said," Cmdr. Dick Rettler, of the US Coast Guard. "I see these two every day, they work together and then they share the booty. It's kind of sweet."
Boozing Bovines Bust Up Beer Bash
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BOXFORD, Massachusetts- A group of partiers in Boxford were sent out to pasture when a bunch of bovines decided to drop by and have a couple of brews. “It started off with a call for loose cows on Foster Street,” Boxford police Lieutenant James Riter said. “On my way down Main Street, I did see evidence that cows were in the area.” That evidence, Riter said, was something you wouldn’t want to step in. Riter followed the trail and saw the bovine bunch standing in the frontyard of a home on Main Street, then bolt for the backyard, he said. “And that's when the screaming started. I could hear commotion back there and when I ran around I saw the cows chasing humans away from their beers and lapping it up with their tongues." The cows had a choice between Bud Light and Miller Lite. Riter said they seemed to prefer the Bud Light. “When they ran out one of them started to forage in the recycling to see if he could find any last drops in there,” Riter said. Kevin Spencer, whose daughter Lauren was hosting the gathering said he did not believe his daughter when she came in and said "Dad, there are cows in the backyard." Spencer just replied "Stop the party; you’ve all been drinking too much!” But once outside he saw his daughter was telling the truth. The cows owner was contacted and he told police “My cows probably heard the voices at the party and decided to join in. They’re very friendly.” He also said his son sometimes feeds the cows hops, an ingredient in beer. “They've never gone so far away before but seemed to enjoy themselves so much,” he said of the cows’ party time.
Came for Meat, Came Home with MEAT
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MOORHEAD, Minnesota- After becoming disoriented and wandering into the city of Moorhead, Minn., over the weekend, a herd of deer panicked and crashed into windows and doors at the local mall, police said. 911 was called when about six deer ran into the Moorhead Center Mall, with one dying after it crashed through a large window at the center. Another was accidentally run over by a minivan nearby. According to WDAY-TV, the driver took the dead deer home for dinner. Owner of the damaged minivan, Wally Florian said, "I came here to buy a couple pounds of ground chuck and came away with about 60 pounds of venison."
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