May 22, 2015

Best of Vague But True

It's True, I'm not Making That Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Buck Hates Christmas and Capitalism
BOUNTIFUL, Utah- Parents with little kids know they spend much of December waiting for Santa Claus to show up. Marla and Casey Keller's kids got their expected visit from Santa but a five-foot buck got inside the house, too. Not long after Santa stopped the deer came in and stomped all over the packages Santa had just left turning them into a pile of paper and ribbon and toy remains. "When you're waiting for Santa's reindeer to land on your roof, and one of them comes through your basement window, well, our kids are not gonna forget it," said Casey Keller. The buck tripped on a basement window-well and crashed though the egress window, then into the room where all the presents were. Marla said, "Our kids now think Santa travels with some pretty clumsy reindeer." Officers with Wildlife Resources came and had to put the deer down to get it out. To keep the kids from seeing it Casey drove them over to his parents but on the way another deer jumped in front of the car and hit them broadside. "I've had enough of these deer, I can tell you that."
Viral Bear Waving Video Could Backfire
SEQUIM, Washington- A video of a young girl waving to a giant Kodiak bear at the Olympic Game Farm in Sequim has gone viral on the internet because to her astonishment, and delight, the bear just as excitedly, waves back. This particular bear retired to the Olympic facility after a long career in show business, but zoologist Dieter Hanterschaum worries if kids grow up thinking all bears are as friendly as this one it could lead to disaster down the road. "If some kid on a field trip comes across a wild bear and waves at it, that is tantamount to saying, 'Eat me.'"
Deer Insist On Going Fishing
SITKA, Alaska- Tom Satre had not gotten out on his boat all summer and fall but finally got a break in his schedule for one Saturday out fishing. Only one problem, four deer swam out to his boat before he got a line wet and demanded to come aboard. "Strangest thing I have ever seen. Four deer headed straight for me and banged on the swim platform till I let them on board. What do you do then? I headed in and got them off the boat and called the wife to tell her about it. She told me she just broke the garbage disposal, so I headed home. Those deer saved a bunch a fish from being caught," said the frustrated occasional fisherman.
Whale Attacks Only Dentist In Town
KIPPERING, Alaska- A whale nearly ruined the teeth of everyone in the tiny village of Kippering. The only dentist working in a 50 mile radius, Dr. Peter Puudnaut, was out kayaking when a grey whale nearly swallowed him whole. Puudnaut said when he was in the giant maw of the whale "My only thought was, 'Row like like a mother, you stupid son of a %&@#!." He then added, "As I was dropping into the whales mouth for some reason I thought 'If I die who is going to fix Nanook Tibute's abscess at 4?' Then I said, 'Paddle, schmuck.'" Dr. Puudnaut escaped being a human herring by fractions of a second and the teeth of Kippering and the surrounding area will continue to be served.
Dog Shoots Man
SALT LAKE CITY, Utah- A Utah hunter was shot in the buttocks after his dog stepped on his shotgun which he had just laid across the bow of a boat. Deputy Kevin Potter says the 46-year-old man climbed out of the boat to move decoys and seconds later his dog stepped on the gun, causing it to fire. It wasn't clear whether the safety on the gun was on at the time. Potter says the man was hit from about 10 feet away with 27 pellets of bird-shot but his waders saved him from more serious trauma. Potter said the man thought he saw his dog pawing at the safety out of the corner of his eye but hunting experts think the man was just making excuses to save himself from embarrassment.
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