July 23, 2014

Best of Vague But True

It's True, I'm not Making That Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Are You Enjoying Your Dinner, Dear?
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..."No need to hike in and schlep equipment all over the place. I just had to pull over."
Sure, I'll Call You... I Will...
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...The only thing missing from the dinner date modern bears go on is a movie. Otherwise, they act just like humans."
Monkeys Grab Woman's Chalupa
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ISLA MUEJERES, Mexico- The sea monkeys used to be a tourist attraction for local resorts but since they have become aggressive food thieves they are now driving them away. And some are suing. "How can they keep these filthy things around here? One of the little beasts stole my Chalupa and I was really hungry. That thing ruined my vacation," said Mary Kay Kapingst, who brought legal action against the hotel which hosts the sea monkeys. "They are awfully grabby things, those monkeys. I think it wasn't just the food they were after."
Weight Lifting Chimp Likes Hairless Look
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SAN DIEGO, California- Arnold the chimpanzee is the strongest chimp at the San Diego Zoo. His trainers loved to show him videos of human weight lifting competitors to see if he would imitate their behavior. Well, that's when things went too far. Not only did Arnold start lifting rocks and logs in an attempt to bulk up but he somehow shaved his body hair to look more like his body hairless human heroes. "If he could oil himself up I think he would," said head trainer Bengt Durkee. "Arnold must have snatched one of our razors when he was in the locker room and has been shaving himself ever since. We knew they liked to imitate us, but this kind of scares me."
Gay Vultures Forced to Be Straight
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MUNSTER, Germany– German zoo keepers are forcing two male vultures who prefer nesting together to mate with females, sparking outrage from gay rights activists who accuse the zoo of discriminating against birds of a different feather. The trouble began when Guido and Detlef, two Griffon vultures, decided to move in together. The lovebirds began crafting a two-man nest in a communal birdcage. Both males enjoyed one another's company much more than that of any female and spent their days grooming one another and fortifying their nest. The purpose of their captivity in zoos is to allow them to reproduce in safe environments, and later reintroduce them into the wild. Zookeepers decided that Guido and Detlef's living arrangements weren't helping that goal. So last week, Guido was shipped to a zoo in the Czech Republic, where a bride awaited him but so far, Detlef and the Czech bird haven't touched one another. "As a joke someone played a Barbara Streisand CD into the enclosure and Detlef seemed happy for the first time since he's been here," said Barbel Meshkat, director of public relations. "Maybe Detlef is just really gay and we should butt out."
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