FLAT IRON, South Dakota- Bob Keller is very disappointed with his beagle, Mr. Weidle. "The damn traitor let one of theirs into our perimeter. Now, what? I tried to shoo the thing out but old Mr. Weidle nearly chewed by ankle off. I hunt the big ones and Mr. Weidle used to help me. Has he gone over to their side? Come next fall this could be an issue"

TUSCALOOSA, Alabama- Unsuspecting children got a pointy surprise when jumping on a trampoline this weekend. Debbie White and several friends were enjoying her backyard trampoline like any other Saturday but this time some pain accompanied every bounce. Neighbor, Alex Kranzusch, came running out to warn the girls there was a herd of male deer strategically positioned under the trampoline. "This could have been much more serious had someone landed full force on one of those points," said Debbie's dad.

Chagos Archipelago, BIAT- Giant Coconut Crabs are known for stealing tea pots and silverware from tents and cabins but now they are rampaging through hotels and ruining the tourist business in this part of the world. "One crab charged into the dining room and chased some newlyweds out into the pool," claimed manager Dimitri Kourlorius. "They can crack coconuts in their claws so to snap a shin bone is not a big deal."

NEW YORK, NY- Major League Baseball again issued its yearly request for players to wear protective "cups." An MLB spokesman said, "Too many players find them uncomfortable but what's really uncomfortable is finding out, too late, you needed one."

OLYMPIA, Washington- A mountain lion broke into an illegal backwoods meth lab and over months ate up several types of illicit drugs including human growth hormone, methamphetamine and the humans who ran the operation. The record 278 lb. cat was then killed when it took on Curt Schultz' 18 wheeler traveling on US 90. "That cat was all jittery crazy and headed for me like it had a mission. It was a big cat but it didn't understand some basic physics."

NELSON, British Columbia- Jonathon Gullabel found a baby moose in distress in a creek during a hike. He got him out of the water and tried to send him on his way to find his mother. But the baby moose followed Jonathon home. The Gullabels fell in love with the new-born and decided to raise the moose themselves until a better situation is found. Some neighbors are not pleased, though. "Yes baby moose are cute but I hope they are prepared for when Mommy, gets the signal from baby, and comes calling," says Vernon Gordon. "And I hope Mommy gets the right house... theirs, not mine."

FURUVIK ZOO, Sweden- Santino, a chimp named after a character in the movie The Godfather, planned a hit on human visitors. A calm Santino spends the morning stockpiling stones prior to the zoo opening, then launching the stones later at zoo visitors while in an "agitated" state. This means Santino can anticipate moods and plan accordingly claims Dr. Matias Orvarth, who is studying the situation.

BATGUAPPA, South Africa- A South African bush pilot recently tried to fly critical medical supplies in to a remote village and transport a patient back to hospital but, lions kept him from re-entering his plane. The patient in need of transport died on the runway in 112 degree heat. "It was suicide to approach the plane and no matter what we did to scare the lions away they just sat there," said pilot, Carl Liebe.

SPRINGFIELD, IL- Local deer have been attacking local police with increasing frequency. Biologists think it may have something to do with the colors of the cruisers or design features that trigger aggressive behavior. Several local officers, though, think the deer are angry about an incident involving a deer shooting in a park where officers responded to an emergency call over animal-human conflict.

LAREDO, Texas- Rocky Zurawski was once a top bull rider on the professional rodeo circuit, but no more. "I looked into the eyes of Kickin' Ass and saw something that just made me quit. That bull talked to me... with his eyes. Kickin' Ass made me understand rodeo work is really no fun for bulls. I just can't do it anymore."