NEW YORK, New York- Muslims are irate over internet photos purporting the US Air flight that crash landed in the Hudson River was brought down by Muslim Canadian Geese. "Geese cannot have a religious affiliation," shouted Ayatollah Spahmantie, at a recent rally for religious tolerance. "Why didn't they blame it on the Jews? Why did they pick on us? Why aren't there photos of geese wearing yamakas?" Doctored photos of geese wearing turbans prompted the outburst.

NEW YORK, New York- A flock of geese did battle with a plane full of humans and lost. The US Airways A320's two engines took the brunt of the assault but even though both jets failed no passengers or crew died after an emergency landing in the Hudson River. No geese survived. While in the frigid waters survivors reported being surrounded by, what some described as, "unusually menacing carp," until rescue help arrived.

PASCO,Washington- Darren Miles sheperd mix named Dongo has gone gonzo for his truck. "I never thought Dongo was going to be a smart dog but this is getting ridiculous. He humps my tailgate every time he's loose near it." His vet suggests there are ways to deal with the issue but Miles says "Right now I don't have the heart to take his... you know..."

BAJUMWALI, Kenya- Buildings are burning down at an alarming rate in this city and found at each site are angry looking baboons. "So far, we have not caught one of them in the act of arson but it is starting to be the only plausible conclusion," said Minister of the Interior, Ha'Wud Jaablome.

SAN LUIS OBISPBO, California- A cross-country meet was disrupted by several aggressive deer that chased junior high runners off the course in Otto Bing State Park. Stampeding boys and girls ran helter skelter as the determined deer denied them the chance to race through the course. "Those deer acted like they owned the place," complained one runner. "Do they not want us to be in shape or just not get in shape out where they live?"

HUADU FURONG, China- The Chinese long denied they had a problem with killer fresh water fish but when the son of a government official disappeared the awful truth hit the streets--the boy was eaten by a giant man-eating carp. According to locals a 30 foot long catfish was caught, cut up and inside were the remains of a human male. Since then, all carp are seen as the mortal enemy of the townspeople and are being pulled out of the river, in record numbers, before they can grow into more man-eaters. Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagoevich's last official act in office was to arrange a trip to China to see if he could learn anything from them on how to help his state with its own infestation of Asian Big Head Carp.

COLD CREEK, Arkansas- A flock of geese, flying at night, took on a Medi-Chopper on a rescue mission and brought it down in a field short of St. Francis of Assisi Hospital. The patient, a goose hunter, had suffered a heart attack and was being flown to the emergency room. He died before an ambulance could reach the scene.

LAREDO, Texas- Clint Strider claims he just really loves his prized steer named Moses. Mental health officials believe he needs immediate help and perhaps confinement. Until authorities take action Strider plans to continue driving Moses around town. Police report they hope to find a legal way to stop Strider from driving an unrestrained 2000 pound steer on city streets.

VATICAN CITY- Pope Benedict has asked priests in Spain to distance themselves from the El Colacho, or Baby Jumping Festival, after a recent tragic accident where babies were endangered and a 92 year old man was killed. The ritual, which features men dressed as the devil leaping over mattresses loaded with babies, is thought to keep the children safe from the devil for the rest of their lives. "Obviously our goal is to keep all of us safe from the devil, but if we take the lives of others while we're doing it, we have to question those methods," explained the Pontiff.

LOVELAND, Colorado- Six year old Robbie Slayton was carried off by a Tule Elk right in front of his horrified parents, Tammi and Robert of Boulder. "We just wanted to get a great Christmas picture of Robbie with the elk but I guess we encouraged him to get too close," said his embarrassed father. The elk scooped the dumbstruck first grader up in its rack and once the six year old was seated up there, it galloped off into the mountains. After the local DNR called for an emergency rescue, searchers found the boy seven hours later sitting, unhurt,in a tree. The traumatized youngster hasn't spoken in two days but is expected to recover fully.