May 21, 2013

Best of Vague But True

It's True, I'm not Making That Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Bears Ruin Vacation
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MT.SHASTA, California- Camping out in the northern California woods has been a tradition in the Rossmeissel family for generations. Until this year. "I don't think we'll ever go back," said family patriarch, Joe Sr. "Our family has been coming here for years but this year was a nightmare. Bears chased our pack mules on the way up, they galloped off, cheetoes were flying, boxes of Bisquick went down, we lost half our food supplies, they attacked our tents in the middle of the night and nearly killed us and when we high tailed it back to base and got to our cars bears had broken in and stole my CD folder. I had everything Loggins and Messina ever made and it's all gone."
That Squirrel Ruined Our Vacation
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BANFF, Canada- Mellisa Brandt and her husband had talked about hiking here for years. They saved up and finally got to take their dream trip. And then right as they were taking a picture to memorialize their vacation, a squirrel ruined the shot, stole their camera and dropped it in a puddle. According to Brandt, "The camera was ruined but I got the memory card out so at least we got the pictures. At first it was cute when the squirrel walked into the shot but then things got ugly. And it seemed so intentional."
Never Trust A Monkey On Your Gun
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HARARI, Iraq- As American troops exit Iraq a strange thing is happening--monkeys are checking out U.S. weaponry. "All the time we have been here we have never had monkeys so curious about how we use our weapons," said Col. Bob Samlatte. "I hope the Iraqis guard what we leave here and guard it well. I would hate to see what an angry monkey could do with an M-16."
Nowhere Is Safe
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FRESNO, California- Carter Pedee used to sun bathe in the nude and still does but now he does it with a gun. "I installed high fences so the neighbors wouldn't squawk when I hung out in the buff but now mountain lions are hopping over and coming in here. I was having coffee in my kitchen one morning and looked out and saw a cougar right where I was sleeping nude the day before," said the frustrated homeowner.
Classic Christian LP Is Rediscovered
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STEVENS POINT, Wisconsin- A lost classic album of the religious rock era has found its way back into circulation. Cindy Hoerter was going through her attic when an album jacket by The Faith Tones caught her eye. "My generation grew up listening to "Jesus Use Me." Then the controversy came, people burned their copies and it seemed none were left." The "controversy" occurred when one of The Faith Tones, Dolores Bedore, told a reporter "We wish we were as good as Jesus Christ," right at the time John Lennon of the Beatles said his band was more popular than Jesus Christ and the two statements were, incorrectly, lumped together.
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