Vatican City- "Thou shalt not kill," still stands, but Pope Benedict believes Catholics should be able to "Beat the devil" out of anybody who would attack them for their religious beliefs, material gain or sport. So, the Pontiff has instituted a new program for Catholic youth called "Fight Like Jesus." The goal of the combination martial arts course and workout regime is to turn out a generation of missionaries and parochial school teachers who can control any situation.

Red River, MINNESOTA- A local moose is either near sighted or really desperate for love. "He has mounted playground equipment at a Catholic grade school, a recycling bin and a mountain bike chained up at Lymon Regional Park," said DNR spokesman Chris Hoffman. "If he mistook that bike for another moose he must like 'em skinny. We're just hoping he doesn't take a liking to a brittle senior citizen who can't defend themselves."

San Francisco, CALIFORNIA- Dog may be man's best friend but at least not one woman's. Cara Takehara has had it with her boyfriend's Malamute, Shadow. "Not only does he sniff a lot but he loves to see me nude. If I have clothes on he can't stand it. (Boyfriend) Dan thinks I am crazy but this dog is a pervert and I don't want him around anymore."

Burlington, IOWA- Ron Bennett, operations manager for Deery Bros. Collision Center, had to remove a deer that attacked the repair center which specializes in damage done by collisions with deer. According to Korey Trail, assistant manager for the collision center, the buck started ramming his head against the front entrance at about 8:20 a.m. until the glass door gave way and the deer was able to enter the office. "I guess this one wanted to bang the cars back up before we got them back to their owners," said Dan Scopazzi, a dent specialist. "If they succeed they will either bankrupt America or we will all be driving lousy looking cars."

Pensecola, FL- A crowd watching an open class power boat race claim they've witnessed a miracle or perhaps even an appearance by Jesus Christ here on Earth. Rick Rettler flipped his boat and ending up running across the surface of the water, then stopping upright on a coral head. Witnesses from St. Benedicts Catholic Church have been following him ever since.

Schunzan, CHINA- Ling-tong, a baby panda at the Great Bear Breeding Center, is being accused of murder. Long time trainer Tang Lum was found dead in the baby panda nursery. When fellow workers entered the nursery Ling-tong was lingering nearby the slain trainer holding onto a bloody bamboo branch. "Ling acted sad that Tang was no longer moving but I thought it was an act and couldn't help but be suspicious," said Han Jang, spokesman for the center.

Ishpeming, MICHIGAN- A hunter's trail camera has discovered who has been wrecking his deer stand and hunting site. But what Andy Gangas saw on the camera was not what he expected-a raccoon on the back of a wild boar. "From the damage to the deer stand it looked someone knew what they wanted to do. And now it looks as if these two were working together, the raccoon steering the boar through my stuff like a bulldozer."

Boston, MASS.- Cheerleader Debbie Brooks is furious with the mice in the cheerleader locker room. "One of these little %$#@*&^ chewed up part of the clasp on my top, so, like, the thing flew apart right on TV and my parents were watching... it was so embarrassing. My boob went Janet Jackson but it wasn't my fault. It was the mice." Team officials have suspended Miss Brooks pending an investigation.

S.Wales,NEW ZEALAND-A giant porker got to be too much for Caroline Hayes, 63, making her a prisoner in her own home by refusing to let her leave her farm house until she fed him. "When I ran out of food he wouldn't let me outside to use the loo," said Ms. Hayes, whose farm doesn't have indoor plumbing. The giant pig would keep her inside for days on end until friends came by with more bananas, the hungry porker's favourite food. Wildlife officials captured the huge pig which was gladly accepted by a piggery who intends to use him as their lead stud.

Galesburg, ILLINOIS- Michael and Pascal Mirica can't get a deer out of their bed. Their doors were open one day to move some furniture and the doe walked right past them and has never left except to eat and relieve itself. "And then it's right back onto our bed," said the frustrated couple. Neighbors have suggested they use force but the couple seem trapped by their religious convictions-she is a Quaker and he is a Christian Scientist so they can't use violence or get medical help if the use of force goes wrong.