FARGO, North Dakota- Mary Hooland, the owner of the Sunny Days Riding Education and Day Care Center says she thinks her horses have a plan to get out of trail riding. "They go right up to the kids and scare the snot out of 'em before we even get the little buggers saddled up. If they don't ride, I can't charge for it. I'm losing serious coin."

CLINTON, Maine- Police said a 500-pound moose fell 18 feet to its death when it jumped a guardrail on an Interstate 95 overpass. A motorist called town clerk Shirley Bailey and said "a moose just fell out of the sky." The driver was under the bridge when he spotted the falling moose, and was "pretty excited about it," Bailey reports, adding, "We also had calls claiming Sarah Palin was skeet shooting, the Royal Lipazzaner Moose Show was in town and that Rocky lost his Bullwinkle. We did check on Governor Palin's whereabouts. She was in Alaska at the time. The other calls we knew were jokes."

NEW YORK, New York- The Metropolitan Museum has created a version of Michelangelo's iconic David statue with an American twist. "We've had scientists calculate what the original David physique would look like eating the typical American diet, and if David had cable and didn't work out, this is what he would look like. We think it will be a big draw," said spokesman David Feldman.

WAYLAND, Iowa- Bob Weber has been raising hogs for decades and his grand-kids are used to being around his animals. But when he saw one kissing a hog he got worried. "What with all this swine flu in the news I got worried when I seen little Angus giving one a smooch. For generations we have been kissing hogs, and quite often, but now it's got me worried." University of Iowa biologists have tested his herd and assured Weber his herd is flu free.

CASPER, Wyoming- It is becoming so common for locals to find bears in their pools that filters are getting clogged all over the metro. "It's great for me but lousy for the owner's pocketbooks," says Eddie Vitter, of Vitter's Very Nice Pools. Of bear visits to area home pools, Vitter notes, "Bears are big hairy animals and they shed a lot and the average pool filter was not designed to handle grizzlies. Even Italians and Greeks max out some of the cheaper filter systems."

PEORIA, Illinois—Firefighters rescued a man who was knocked from his Jet Ski by an Asian carp on Tuesday afternoon in the Illinois River. Tad Newell, 22, of Hanna City was riding his new Jet Ski when he ran into the large, leaping fish that knocked him from the Jet Ski. Newell had a cell phone with him and summoned help, telling police the carp had been dogging him all day and finally caught him right in the jaw.

BEAVER DAM, Wisconsin- The Hartley Beef farm has been sued by the local chapter of the National Organization of Women for allowing their cattle to mount in plain view. "We don't want young women driving by Hartley farm to think that to get a man to love you you have to let him push your head under a fence while engaged in the physical act," said Janie Milton, NOW chapter president. Robert Hartley said, "I have no idea what these people are talking about. I make beef. I need calves. Where they do it is their choice."

LOS ANGELES, California- James Alcroft is certain rodents hate his figure skaters. Mice have bitten into and weakened the straps of two of his female figure skaters leading to very difficult moments during big routines. "You just can't skate with confidence when you have a boob hanging out," said the frustrated manager.

HOLLAND, Michigan- Bernie Filpot was bringing his boat to the launch to start the season but before he even got to the water his boat ended up in his camper. "I never suspected I'd see a deer in this part of town but out of nowhere there it was. I hit the brakes hard and suddenly the bow is in the bedroom. This sure changes our plans for the summer."

SPRINGFIELD, Illinois- State Water Management Director, John Means, thinks he has the solution to the growing big head carp problem in state waters. "Let's breed, buy, steal every eagle and osprey we can and get a natural predator in here to take out these slimy (expletive deleted)."