December 01, 2015

Best of Vague But True

It's True, I'm not Making That Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Transvestism In Simians Is Proved
TOULOUSE, France- Bobo is a male monkey who is never happy unless he's dressed up like Bette Midler and putting on a show. "Oh my god, does Bobo go into a funk if he hasn't been able to do his Divine Miss M routine for awhile," said Collette Archambeau, director of media relations. And Dr. Michel Delatoille, head of primate research at the Giverny Institute claims Bobo is proof of transvestism in primates. "Unless monkeys are capable of making a deviant life style choice Bobo is proof that sexuality with all its styles, subsets and piccadilloes is innate. When you see him lip synch to "Wind Beneath My Wings" you know this is just something he has to do."
Resort Town Rethinks Bull Fighting
ZIHUATANEJO, Mexico- Town elders believed that tourist visits would increase if traditional bull fighting was brought back to this former fishing village. But the opening day for the brand new bull fighting stadium proved to be a public relations disaster. "El Toro de Muerte," the Bull of Death, a powerful animal of famous lineage, was brought in for the opening festivities and within seconds of being released proceeded to jump into the stands and chase the crowd away. "Sadly, some Americans were scared right back over the border," said Pepe LaPaz, spokesman for the area Chamber of Commerce. "Between this and the drug violence I don't think they'll ever come back."
Plane Crash Blamed on Escaped Crocodile
REPUBLIC OF CONGO-A plane crash that killed 20 is being blamed on a crocodile. The lone survivor told investigators a hidden crocodile escaped from a passenger's sports bag and caused a stampede in the cabin, throwing the small plane off balance. The crocodile lived through the crash, only to be killed by a blow from a machete. The plane was on a routine flight from the capital, Kinshasa, to the regional airport in Bandundu, when the incident occurred. The survivor is quoted in an inquiry report, saying the crocodile escaped as the plane began its descent. With the creature on the lose, panic ensued. "The terrified air hostess hurried towards the cockpit, followed by the passengers," recounted the survivor. With the plane suddenly off-balance, it went out of control and crashed into a house a few hundred feet from the airport. When emergency crew members approached the wreckage the crocodile slithered out and was dispatched. "There are lots of reasons to prohibit international trade of exotic species, and what happens when a croc gets loose on a plane is just another one," said Mott Abel, head of the International Exotic Species Protection Organization.
Wolves Chase Cop on Freeway
MOSCOW, Russia- A police officer had to dive for cover when a pack of wild wolves started chasing him on an urban freeway. The shocked officer had just pulled over a motorist on the highway, then suddenly, spotted a pack of maurauding wolves behind him and had to jump into the car he had just stopped. The officer had to stay inside until the 10-strong pack of wolves decided to leave, during which time he opted to not give the driver a ticket. Wolves have been in the news in Russia including an attack in which wolves charged shoppers in a Moscow supermarket parking lot, then scavenging grocery bags dropped by the scared city dwellers. The grey wolves appear to have overcome any fear of humans in their search for food. Some older Moscovites believe they might also be communists because they all did equal work in the attacks.
Mountain Goat Kills Hiker For No Good Reason
PORT ANGELES, Washington- Rangers in Washington say a mountain goat killed a 63-year-old hiker in Olympic National Park. Robert H. Boardman was hiking with his wife Susan and their friend Pat Willits, and after stopping for lunch at an overlook the goat appeared, moved toward them and began acting aggressively. Boardman tried shooing him away but the goat attacked him, goring him in the thigh. The animal then hovered over Boardman as he lay bleeding, not allowing anyone to help the injured hiker. A park ranger finally chased the animal away, pelting it with rocks. If found the animal will be held responsible or killed according to officials. Before he was gored, Boardman joked the goat must be angry because the panini sandwich he was eating had goat cheese on it.
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