May 24, 2015

Best of Vague But True

It's True, I'm not Making That Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Gators Invade Chicago
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CHICAGO, Illinois- A 4 foot American Alligator in the Chicago River is the second to be sighted in the area this month. Police wouldn't confirm whether the alligator had been living beneath the city's streets, but witnesses said the gator climbed out of the sewer, giving legs to a long standing urban legend. Meanwhile, residents of Chicago, a city known more for its icy winds than its wetlands, have spotted at least two different alligators on the Chicago River this summer. Police captured an alligator on the city's North Side and days later boaters spotted another gator basking in the sun on the riverside. Although alligators aren't accustomed to living in northern metropolises, that doesn't mean a gator couldn't survive if it found the right conditions. "If they can find entry to a basement or camp our near an exhaust vent for a laundromat they can get through the winter. And they will be hungry. Guard your dogs and cats," said zoologist Billy Ellis.
Man Trains Crocodile
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BOGOTA, Columbia- Gespacho Tommasso has trained a crocodile named Giganto to interact with humans in a friendly way. "Giganto loves people. He can be fed by hand... tourists love doing that. Makes for great pictures. And if you are a good swimmer, you can go in and wrestle Giganto. Bring the video camera. This is a vacation you are going to want to remember and show your friends."
Elk Ruin Kid's Swimmin' Hole
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TINKEL CREEK, Wyoming- Howie Kline promised his kids that if they worked hard on the family ranch, which is miles from the nearest neighbor or town, he would build them a swimming pond. "They don't have friends to play with most days so I wanted to give them a place to swim and goof off," said the frustrated father. Kline built a spring fed pond for his kids to cool off after long days herding cattle but the first day after the spring had finally filled it a herd of elk settled in. "Did you know elk like to go number two in water? Well, we found out the hard way. Now, I'm told I have to drain the whole damn thing and shovel it out and start over," reports Kline.
Shark Says "Get Off My Beach"
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SEASIDE, New Jersey- A 5-foot shark swam ashore at Seaside Park as swimmers were called out of the water, then stood around watching it in amazement. Eventually, the shark flopped back into the ocean and swam away. Swimmers returned to the water once it was deemed safe but not everyone was happy about it, especially Anthony "Tony" Tenor. "That shark came right up to my kids and I know it didn't make no noise, but it was like it was shoutin,' 'Hey youse' kids, get off my beach!' I do the same thing when the neighbor kids get in the yard so I recognized the attitude. That shark didn't like us being there. But it was hotter than hell back at the house so once the other kids got back in and didn't get eaten I let my kids go, too."
Skunk Bombs Away
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COTTAGE GROVE, Oregon- Joe Raade has seen a lot in his 19 years in the emergency medical service business but until this week he never seen a turkey vulture drop a skunk onto a windshield, causing the driver to total their car. "This is a one in a zillion thing," said the astonished medic. The victim, Linda Shands said, "I saw the vulture coming at me like a plane aligning itself for a landing, then I saw the skunk's tail hanging and I thought, 'Oh, don't you dare drop that on me' but it did and after the windshield cracked and the air bags went off I hit the cliff." Her vehicle was totaled, and Shand cracked two ribs. Raade has offered to back up her story if Shand has trouble with the police or her insurance company. "You could see talon punctures on the skunk carcass and three of the vultures were perched on a cliff above us watching as we put her in the ambulance. The vultures seemed to know what was happening."
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