July 25, 2016

Best of Vague But True

It's True, I'm not Making That Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

End Of The World Is Coming, Say The Animals
PORTAGE COUNTY, Wisconsin- When it comes to mass animal death in 2011, birds do it, fish do it, and now even cows do it. For a number of Christian theologians, it suggests the End of Days is near. After the Portage County Sheriff's Department discovered "numerous dead cows" in a field, some are certain the Biblical prophecy of The Rapture is at hand. Some Christians, including online theologian Paul Begley, believe the death of cows, birds and fish follow the prophecy set out in the Book of Hosea, and the result when man turns his back on God. "Unless these animals are trying to fool Christians by committing mass suicide, falsely suggesting the End of Days in near, I think it could be happening." Asked why animals would try to deceive Christians in that way, Begley said, "Why not? Satan couldn't be working through them? It's just something I think could happen."
Polar Bear Attacks Sub
BERING SEA, Alaska- The nuclear attack sub, the U.S.S. Vince Lombardi, faces many enemies when it is at sea. This latest era nuclear subs has myriad defense and offensive strike capabilities. But being attacked by a polar bear was not considered when the Lombardi was built. Damage to a docking cleat was easily repaired but crew members had a hard time believing their sub looked like the world's biggest walrus. "Why did that bear lunge at the conning tower? Can't say but even if we were a walrus, I wouldn't want to tangle with one our size," said Lt. Cmdr. James T. Cerck.
Mountain Lion Ruins Christmas
BISMARCK, South Dakota- Every parent wants their child to grow up in a happy home and provide for them in the best way possible. If only the books on child rearing included a passage saying "Close patio doors so mountain lions don't sneak in and take over your daughter's Fisher Price playground," Mary Holland might have avoided a disastrous holiday season. "On Christmas Day we were cooking and the house was heating up so I opened the sliding door to the sundeck and when I turned around a bit later there was a mountain lion in Cayla's (2 year old daughter) new playground thing. Thank god it took off when it saw us but Cayla won't go anywhere near that playground now, and that was her major Santa toy."
"The Flash Must Have Scared Him Off"
LARGE GAP, Oregon- Tom Bauman went hunting alone, and after a long day of tracking got his elk. Bauman then set up a camera on a stump to record his trophy kill. After the auto-timer and flash went off the jubilant hunter began the arduous task of dragging his elk back to the cabin. Days later, back at home, the still beaming hunter downloaded the photos he took of the hunt and noticed he was not alone when he posed with that trophy elk. In fact, right behind him was a trophy mountain lion that wanted Bauman's trophy elk for dinner. Or, perhaps, the hunter himself was to be dinner. "I have no idea why that cat left me alone but I think the flash must have scared him off," said the ex-elk hunter. "When you're in the woods posing next to a big hunk of meat, always use the flash," recommends Bauman.
I Hope You Like What I Ordered
I had dreams about hiking deep into the wilderness and using a telephoto lens and sitting still for hours just to see something. But apparently, if there is road kill around you'll get some great shots from your car."
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