April 23, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Prank "There's a Croc in the Mississippi" Call Nets Fine
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LA CROSSE, Wisconsin- 911 got the call saying "Hey, there's a Croc in the Mississippi off Goose Island," followed by a scream and then the phone went dead. Police found a Croc but not the expected reptile variety. They also found a disposable cel phone in a trash barrel near the park entrance. Some detective work later and five UW-La Crosse students were paying a $500 fine to satisfy a Class 1 misdemeanor violation. "That's a lot of beer those five won't be buying so it's a win-win for the department," said Lt. Bob Gelson. As of yet, nobody has claimed the lost Croc.
Squirrel Convinces Bird to Attack
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MONTGOMERY, Alabama- Lefty Kransheech is convinced the squirrel that has taken over his bird feeder has also convinced its former residents to deposit voluminous droppings on his pickup truck. "I see that squirrel and the birds talking, then my windshield is crapped up. Coincidence? After watching it happen over and over, I doubt it."
Tortoise Walks Man
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AUSTIN, Texas- A desert tortoise named Dink has taken over the life of its owner, Fred Reber. "He speaks to me and demands we go for a walk. I can't say no. Sometimes we go out for hours at a time." Reber's wife, Ruby, claims her husband is just avoiding her efforts to officially end their marriage. "He claims he can't read the divorce papers because he has to walk Dink again. He's not crazy. He just doesn't want me to leave."
Neighborhood Nervous Over Squirrel Assassin
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BENNINGTON, Vermont- A Vermont neighborhood is being stalked by a renegade gray squirrel that has committed numerous vicious attacks on humans, recently. Kevin McDonald tells the Bennington Banner he was shoveling snow when the squirrel leaped down on him from his garage roof and started a furious assault. McDonald threw the animal off, but it twice jumped back on with teeth gnashing and claws ripping away. A game warden says numerous reports of similar attacks in this area are coming in but "I don't think we're going to see packs of marauding squirrels chasing out seniors and children down the street. This was just an isolated incident." But Kevin McDonald, who felt the fury of this gray terror responded, saying "I'm not so sure about that."
Dolphin Joins Party, Makes Friends
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MARCO ISLAND, Florida- Lt. Keith Perry has responded to hundreds of bizarre distress calls, but has never seen anything like this. Perry and his Rescue Department crew removed a 600-pound dolphin from a Marco Island charter boat after getting an emergency call from its captain, Brian Spina. Spina was following a group of dolphins on the Marco River when one mistimed its jump and leapt into the 24-foot pontoon boat named “Cool Beans.” A woman was hurt but otherwise those on board had "lots of fun talking to the dolphin who was very calm and seemed to enjoy getting back rubs from everyone." Spina reports, "One really put together 24 year old was this dolphin's favorite. God, she was hot. Dolphin thought so, too. Chattered like a tomcat when she rubbed him. Thought we were going to have to tell the dolphin to get a room."
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