December 22, 2014

Best of Vague But True

It's True, I'm not Making That Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Rehabbed Bear Turns on Human Helpers
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CAMBY, Oregon- Mike Abel has removed many bears from city dumps and ex-urban areas when they come in contact with humans. And to prepare them for a return to more remote areas he also tries to reacquant them with finding food as wild bears should. But apparently they don't like him for it. "Oh, I was one of those types who believed if you showed an animal love they would love you back," said the recovering naturalist. "But after seeing the look on that bear's face, I won't go near anything bigger than a chihuahua. It was awful. I rolled up into a ball like Ghandi and that bear beat me like a Viking on the loose in Ireland."
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"After this, I Will Have to Adopt!"
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SEVILLE, Spain- Gilberto Morin represents the 23rd generation of his family to dominate his sport, and the only child of renowned matador Alejandro Morin. And unless surgeons can salvage some sperm from Gilberto, the Morin lineage will have ended. "My family has done a lot of damage to the bull species over the years and now the bulls have put an end to us," said Morin. "That whole day, every bull I faced seemed to be going for my cajones. Never saw anything like it, but finally El Jefe (the bull that caused he injury) got it done," claimed the confirmed bachelor.
Bear Attacks Hog
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UMATILLA, Florida- Ronald R. Stanley, 51, was driving a 2007 Harley Davidson when a bear ran into his path, causing the bike to overturn, troopers said. Stanley, who was not wearing a helmet, was taken to Waterman Hospital in critical condition and later pronounced dead. Sgt. Hank Barberra told reporters, "This stretch of road has seen dozens of bigger animals dash out and wipe out cyclists, recently. If I took a hog down this road I'd sure be wearing a helmet." It's not known if the bear was injured.
'Serial' Killer Whale Kills Again at SeaWorld Orlando
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ORLANDO, Florida- An animal trainer at SeaWorld Orlando was killed in front of horrified theme park visitors by Tilikim, an orca, that was involved in two previous deaths. A witness interviewed by CBS affiliate WKMG Local 6 said she saw the whale leap out of the water and grab the woman, who was in the middle of introducing the orca. "She was giving the whale a real nice build up and it just jumped out and snatched her," said Kendra Saddlen. "Seeing this has ruined out vacation," proclaimed the upset mother of two. The first occurred in 1991 at Sealand Canada when Tilikum drowned a 20-year-old marine biology student and then in 1999, a 27-year-old homeless man also died after hiding in the park, and after hours, jumping into Tilikum's pool.
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