April 25, 2015

Best of Vague But True

It's True, I'm not Making That Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Teenage Girl Hits Five Deer in a Year
CONRAD, Iowa- In the last 12 months, 17 year old Kacee Larson has hit five deer while driving her family's vehicles. Kacee's string of bad luck began last July when she hit her first deer and continued last week when she got number five. Kacee has flipped cars and minivans and killed a few and nicked a few other deer and now she is now known as "Deer Magnet Larson." After number four she was thinking, "'Why me, why me?' But now I know why. They hate me. Don't know what I did to them but they are out to get me so now I am to to get them." Kacee's mom just wishes the destruction would stop, saying, "The last car she destroyed was the only nice thing we had left."
Bimbo Bothers Bison
YELLOW STONE, Wyoming- A few tourists at Yellowstone National Park nearly got trampled by a charging bison. Cathy Hayes was taping a buffalo as her friend tried to get up close and personal with the beast. Footage from Hayes's camera shows how close they got before the bison got disturbed and started its charge. State Park official Cary Odes said, "Just because you have a video camera doesn't mean you have to tape yourself doing something stupid. The percentage of tourists who do dumb things like pet buffalo, feed bears, skinny dip in boiling hot springs has gone up exponentially since everyone has a video camera in their cell phone."
Whale Stalks Yachters And...
CAPE TOWN, South Africa- A South African couple have a whale of a story to tell after a whale leaped out of the water and landed on Paloma Werner and Ralph Mothes' 32-foot-boat. "We'd spotted it about 100 meters away and it seemed to be following us, playing, at first it was kind of cute," Werner said. "Then it just flew into the air and body slammed us. We were very lucky to get through it, the thing was huge."
Taliban Trains Evil Shooting Monkees
KABUL, Pakistan- A Chinese news publication has reported that the Taliban are training monkeys to shoot American soldiers. Coalition forces have the most sophisticated weaponry in the world, from fighter jets to laser weapons to highly trained soldiers. But the Taliban is investing in monkeys. According to Friday’s report, based on British intelligence, the Taliban is training species of more attractive simians to use weapons and fight against American soldiers. U.S. intelligence experts now classify these animals as "monkey terrorists." Reporters in the Afghanistan-Pakistan border region, have allegedly taken photos of "monkey soldiers" holding AK-47 rifles and Bren light machine guns. "They're awfully cute, but like in the Wizard of Oz... these monkeys are bad ass," said Lt. Frank Prinzi of Buffalo, NY.
Flamin' Rat Fires Up Furious Vets
YAKIMA, Washington- A fire that heavily damaged a Veterans of Foreign Wars building in Yakima, Wash.,is being blamed on a rat, fire officials said. Investigators say the rat chewed through an electrical cord Friday, setting itself on fire, then ran to its nest in a storage closet filled with flammable materials, and the resultant blaze spread through the building. The fire damaged what VFW members say were priceless war memorabilia including the sword General Prescott Tush used to defend himself against a moose attack while mapping the Northwest Territories for President Jackson.
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