April 23, 2017

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Pot Eating Rabbits Love Bob Marley
TRUE FAITH, Utah- Could there really be pot-head rabbits in the wild that just want to lie around all day getting high? “I deal in facts. I deal in science,” said State Marijuana Eradication agent Matt Fairbanks. “We were pulling all kinds of marijuana out of a growers patch and there was a rabbit that refused to leave, his natural instincts should be to run but somehow they were gone," Fairbanks recounted to reporters. "One of the guys in the group found some Bob Marley music on his iPhone and played it for this stoner bunny and its head just started nodding back in forth, eyes closed, half baked smile... trust me, some rabbits love pot. That's just scientific observation."
"That Cougar Is Doing Surveillance"
GAPRIDGE, Colorado- Cougars are well know as great climbers but there is always a point and purpose to what they climb. That is why Mary Holland is sure a local cougar is spying on humans. "What else is that cat doing up there except looking at what we are up to? Seriously, whose got a dog in a yard unattended, where's the next easy meal? What else would that thing be doing up there? Sightseeing?"
Raccoon Attack-Not a San Francisco Treat.
SAN FRANCISCO, California- A trip to San Francisco offers visitors a wide range of wonderful opportunities. And you also might be attacked by a herd of raccoons. For Brendan O’Sullivan and his wife, on vacation from Ireland, the attack was not totally unexpected. “Our daughter warned us these beasts were a problem in her neighborhood but I just wouldn’t believe you could be attacked by wild animals in a major U.S. city.” Yet, that is exactly what happened when the O’Sullivans went out walking their daughter’s two dogs- a dozen raccoons attacked, injuring all four, nearly killing one of the dogs that barely managed to escape. “I don’t want to tell America how to run its business,” O’Sullivan said. “But I wouldn’t go playing policeman all over the Middle East until you clear out the wild carnivores from your major tourist destinations.”
Dog Named Trigger Pulls Trigger, Shoots Owner
NORTH WEBSTER, Indiana- A woman is recovering after being shot in the foot by a dog named Trigger. Allie Carter laid her 12-gauge shotgun on the ground without putting on the safety. And immediately after she laid the gun down her Labrador Retriever, Trigger, stepped on it and Carter was shot in the left foot at point-blank range. Carter should recover from injuries to her foot and toes but said it would have been better, "If I had named him Safety because then I might have remembered to put the damn safety on."
"They Always Seem To Be Watching Me"
KALAMAZOO, Michigan- Kevlin Bradley claims he is not paranoid generally speaking but he is certain three young raccoons are watching his every move. "This may sound crazy, but those 'coons pop up (from the storm drain) when I leave my driveway and whenever I am around, even when I am just getting home, they appear. Do they have extraordinary sense of smell? How do they know I am coming down the street? I don't know what they want or why they have fixated on me but it is starting to creep me out," said the IT tech consultant for Michigan Power.
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