CLINTON, Iowa- Hudd Clinton thinks he has a cow that is a class clown. "That cow will do anything for a laugh. I think she talks the horses into getting into trouble all the time." The cow in question, Gertrude, has a history of being in the area where other animals do unintentionally comical and/or foolish things. "Gert' seems to be able to talk the others into doing the dumbest stuff dumb animals can do, and she just gets the biggest kick out of it, too."

CORALVILLE, Iowa- Three deer entered a Kohl's store using the automatic front doors, the Cedar Rapids Gazette newspaper reported. A Kohl's employee said a doe and her two fawns walked into the store after which 30 associates got together to chase them out. No one was hurt during the incident and no serious damage was reported but one associate said "The deer stopped by the cold case where we have some venison sausage, then kind of like, I don't know, like bowed their heads for a second before walking out. I mean, the Mom and little deer acted like they were paying respects or something."

BARABOO, Wisconsin- Robert Rhode is certain bears are becoming more and more enamored of the western lifestyle after foraging in our dumps. "They see our stuff, even the stuff we throw out and they like it. They want what we have, to live like we do. If they ever learn how to work a fork lift, I might be out of a job," said the mill worker. "Ever see a bear put a rat in a toaster oven? I have. That toaster oven wasn't plugged in but they are one step away from having hot food. What's next?"

PEORIA, Illinois- Youngsters out for trick or treating were spooked by a squirrel wearing a zombie mask. Why the squirrel got into the mask is uncertain but it scared some children so badly they took off running right through a hedge and all that was left behind were two holes in the bushes and two ghosts costumes hanging from its branches as well as spilled bags of candy. "Those kids spotted that zombie squirrel coming at them and they took off and ran through my hedges and went straight for home. Felt bad but it was also the funniest thing I think I have ever seen," said James Smulyan, who had just given the kids some candy.

COLUMBUS, Ohio-“Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!” Those creatures had Dorothy worried on the yellow brick road in “The Wizard of Oz” — and now you may need to worry about seeing the large carnivores in your backyard, an Ohio State University researcher says. "Lions (mountain), bears, wolves and coyotes are finding urban areas to be just right for a comfortable existence," says Stan Gehrt, a professor of environment and natural resources. “Raccoons, skunks, foxes — they’ve already penetrated the urban landscape. The coyote is just the most recent addition,” Gehrt said. But the abundance of food is bringing even larger carnivores into urban settings. Gehrt said a mountain lion was recently killed in the Wrigleyville area of Chicago. Sightings of mountain lions and bears in suburban areas are increasingly common. “And they are going to be an even bigger challenge,” Gehrt said at the EcoSummit 2102 in Columbus, Ohio, on Friday. A concerned attendee, Mike Birbigson added, "Wolf packs howling down your suburban streets, bears charging as you try to harvest your backyard raspberry bushes, mountain lions playing on your kid's swing set or camping out on your porch, trapping you in your own home. This is the future people."

WHITEHOUSE, Texas- One more reason not to smoke: Deer attacks. Cole Kellis and Joseph Rose were standing in their front yard when a young buck walked in. The deer seemed friendly, so Rose approached it. Big mistake, as the deer charged them and began to attack. The men ran to Rose's pick-up truck but before they got in the buck poked Rose in the ribs. Rose was safe, but his cigarettes were not. "The deer climbed up into the truck cab, put his front paws on my seat and got my pack of cigarettes and started chewing on them," Rose said. When Rose tried to get his cigarettes back, the buck got even more aggressive. That's when Rose and Kellis called the police. Even with the use of a stun gun, it took five men to restrain the angry, tobacco-addicted buck. This nicotine-loving deer isn't the only antlered creature to cause trouble in recent months. In October, a randy elk had to be relocated after he began trying to mate with cows on a Canadian ranch. Rose thinks deer are becoming habituated to urban life and not only like it, but they want more. "How long before they prefer fast food to acorns," said the wounded Rose.

REDDING, California- Authorities are investigating two thefts of more than 80,000 pounds of walnuts from Northern California valued at about $300,000. The Tehama County Sheriff's Office reported that a 40,000-pound truckload of walnuts never arrived in Miami as they were supposed to. Authorities believe the culprit is the same man who picked up another load of walnuts intended for Texas that also disappeared. Deputies say the man who picked those walnuts up was, in fact, not the person hired for the job. "We saw the surveillance cam and the guy that drove off looked a lot like the guy they had hired (but who had showed up days late) so we have an idea what happened. Weird thing though, as he walked to the truck a squirrel ran up to him, stopped in front of him for a sec(ond) and then ran off. Almost made you think something was up," said Sheriff Dave Little.

GAZA CITY, Gaza- A spooked cow killed a Palestinian man who was trying to slaughter the beast during the Muslim celebration of Eid al-Adha, a Gaza health official said. Muslims around the world slaughter sheep, cows and goats during the four-day holiday but accidents are common as people frequently slaughter animals themselves instead of paying professional butchers. The festive atmosphere at the site of the slaughtering also tends to make the animals fidgety. The man who died was trampled to death and another three people were seriously injured when the cow ran wild when it saw the sword being raised over its neck. In all, 150 people were hospitalized in the Palestinian territory with knife wounds or other injuries caused by animals trying to break away during the holidays. One local vegetarian man said "I have never been trampled by hummus... just sayin'."

KETCHIKAN, Alaska- The Postal Service shouldn't amend its famous credo on what won't stop them from their appointed rounds to include fighting moose, according to mail carrier Andrew Kangas. "I wanted to get to my deliveries done, I know Bucky Holtz was expecting to see if she got accepted to the U but when you hear those racks banging against one another and something that size is crashing into your vehicle, you put it in gear and say, 'Manana.' And it's all over sex. Wouldn't it be better if there were moose pick up bars so they wouldn't have to do all this fighting on my route?"

DES MOINES, Iowa- A mountain lion roaming a Des Moines neighborhood was shot and killed by law enforcement because of its proximity to an elementary school. Police were called by a homeowner who spotted the cat under plants in his back yard and shot it when it made a "dashing move," to escape. The animal was 6 feet 3 inches long. Jeff Swearngin, a conservation officer from the Department of Natural Resources, said the animal was just roaming the area. But a resident of the neighborhood, Dooley Pepper, reported seeing a mountain lion at the Norwoodville Rec Center where dozens of children were outside playing and said "Don't predators always go for the sick, the elderly and the young? Why isn't that what this thing was here for?"