January 21, 2018

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Where The Buffalo Roam And Terrorize
ST. JOSEPH, Michigan- A buffalo's 50-minute rampage took it through a residential area and a terrifying run through a kid-filled playground, Saturday. The buffalo's roam ended when police shot and killed it near the intersection of Hilltop and Cleveland roads, after it charged St. Joseph Police officer Paul Komdeur. "Are the deer and antelope next? Either way, we're ready," said police spokesman Barton Hatches.
Dangerous Skies
GRASS VALLEY, California- Sky divers occasionally see birds but rarely are they harassed by a hawk until they leave the sky. Wilbur Rickenbacher said, "That red tail just wanted me out of his backyard. It ripped at my chute, dove at me, and screeched incessantly until my feet hit the ground. Then it just took off."
Evil Breaks In
SHERMAN OAKS, California-Kurt Ramlo sat down to do his taxes but something at the window caught his eye. "A wild eyed squirrel was trying to break in and wouldn't stop for anything. I shot staples at it, blew compressed air from the computer duster can thing... its little squirrel cheeks were flapping in the wind, but it wouldn't get off the screen. I don't know what it wanted in here but it was highly motivated." A smack from a tennis shoe knocked the determined rodent off the screen.
Pope Approves Birth Control For Deer
CROSS PLAINS, Wisconsin- Monsignor James Brogan has received the approval of the Vatican to bless contraceptive efforts being made by locals to reduce the deer herd. "Snowmobilers are at risk, these deer eat up saplings and ruin people's yards... we have to bring down the size of the herd and the rhythm method is not going to get it done," said Brogan.
Tourist Advisory Issued
BAHMFOOUT, South Africa- Tourists are being advised to use designated rest areas while in the bush. Several lion attacks on humans have occurred while tourists were relieving themselves outdoors. "It seems to be a pattern. You squat, they rush. When you think of it, why wouldn't they attack while you're most vulnerable," remarked tour guide Dirk Hinkeerbinden.
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