January 21, 2018

Time Bedore - Standing Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Bat Goes To Outer Space
CAPE CANAVERAL, Florida- A bat tried to hitch a ride to outer space on the space shuttle. Could it survive? Experts say there is little chance the bat could get too far from Earth before expiring. NASA scientist Larry Brown said, "But our radar will be looking for any large, winged creature re-entering the atmosphere, because we all know bats turn into giant evil beasts once they spend time in space." NASA officials note that Mr. Brown was due to retire this week and is known to put reporters on.
Bear Teaches Wolf To Fish
TONGASS NATIONAL FOREST, Alaska- Park rangers say they have seen lots of interesting things over the years but they never expected to witness a bear teaching a wolf how to fish for salmon. "There was not only tolerance for another species threatening its food supply, but this bear was actively showing the wolf how to fish. When the wolf didn't copy what he was doing, the bear roared at the wolf until he did it. It looked like a high school football practice. They definitely can work together," said DNR official Chris Hoffman.
"Where's My Bindi?"
QUEEN'S END, Australia- It didn't take a master detective to tell Patty Buntine where her dog had gone. Her 3 year-old Maltese terrier was missing from the backyard in northern Australia and in Bindi's place? A 10-ft.-long olive python with a suspiciously Bindi-shaped bulge in its belly. The bloated serpent tipped the scales at 35 lbs. which is a full 14 lbs. (or one small dog) heavier than its normal weight. A snake expert said the python will return to the wild once it successfully digests the dog. "It can't move right now. This is the equivalent of a 220-lb. man eating a 132-lb. steak. Or, a vegetarian eating ten 13 pound potatoes."
Cat Causes Crash
FT. MEYERS, Florida- A feral cat jumped through a soccer mom's minivan window and caused her to crash through a wall, then into a swimming pool. Ben Finkelstein was sitting on his patio when Leda Alpert came crashing in. "Never saw anything like it. You should have seen those kids scramble out. Sadie (Mrs. Finkelstein) gave 'em towels and bagels and they settled down." The feral cat escaped, too. "We've got to get that thing now that my wall is down. I've got no protection."
Moose Gets Adopted By Humans
NELSON, British Columbia- Jonathon Gullabel found a baby moose in distress in a creek during a hike. He got him out of the water and tried to send him on his way to find his mother. But the baby moose followed Jonathon home. The Gullabels fell in love with the new-born and decided to raise the moose themselves until a better situation is found. Some neighbors are not pleased, though. "Yes baby moose are cute but I hope they are prepared for when Mommy, gets the signal from baby, and comes calling," says Vernon Gordon. "And I hope Mommy gets the right house... theirs, not mine."
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