February 06, 2012

Best of Vague But True

It's True, I'm not Making That Up

Best of Vague But True Vol 2

The Animal Conspiracy CD

Countless Carp Ruin Romance
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ARGOSY, Missouri- An age old question for young lovers has always been where can you get romantic without being caught by your parents. For two unfortunate teens the Mississippi and the boy's father's boat is no longer that place. DNR Warden Denise Bukolt, who happened by the distressed and undressed youngsters said "I figured they've suffered enough so we are not going to cite them. A bunch of hefty carp jumped in the boat and one nailed him right in the wrong spot. I heard a scream and that's when I decided to cruise by and investigate. It was quite a sight."
Cat Puts Cleveland Man in Houston Hospital
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CLEVELAND, Ohio- A Cleveland man was attacked by a house cat and his injuries were so severe he had to be taken by air ambulance to Memorial Hermann Hospital in Houston, Texas. The man told game wardens Danny Diaz and Adam Broll his cat had never done anything like this before. Diaz and Broll said that makes sense, pointing out, it's silly to keep a cat that puts you in the hospital. The man agreed as they took the now caged cat away while simultaneously arguing with his insurance company over who is going to pay for the helicopter trip to Houston.
Deer Guards Goose Nest in Cemetery
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BUFFALO, New York- A male deer has been steadfastly standing watch over a female goose nesting in a cemetery for four straight days. The buck guards the nest as she sits on her eggs inside a large urn, near the remains of President Millard Fillmore and rock icon Rick James. "He's either guarding the goose or a Super Freak of a deer," said Erie County SPCA Wildlife Administrator Joel Thomas. Workers have attempted to move the nest but were aggressively chased off every time. "Why the deer has chosen to champion a goose is an open question but if the goslings have antlers we'll have a good idea," added Thomas.
Prank "There's a Croc in the Mississippi" Call Nets Fine
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LA CROSSE, Wisconsin- 911 got the call saying "Hey, there's a Croc in the Mississippi off Goose Island," followed by a scream and then the phone went dead. Police found a Croc but not the expected reptile variety. They also found a disposable cel phone in a trash barrel near the park entrance. Some detective work later and five UW-La Crosse students were paying a $500 fine to satisfy a Class 1 misdemeanor violation. "That's a lot of beer those five won't be buying so it's a win-win for the department," said Lt. Bob Gelson. As of yet, nobody has claimed the lost Croc.
Squirrel Convinces Bird to Attack
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MONTGOMERY, Alabama- Lefty Kransheech is convinced the squirrel that has taken over his bird feeder has also convinced its former residents to deposit voluminous droppings on his pickup truck. "I see that squirrel and the birds talking, then my windshield is crapped up. Coincidence? After watching it happen over and over, I doubt it."
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