AUSTIN, Texas- A desert tortoise named Dink has taken over the life of its owner, Fred Reber. "He speaks to me and demands we go for a walk. I can't say no. Sometimes we go out for hours at a time." Reber's wife, Ruby, claims her husband is just avoiding her efforts to officially end their marriage. "He claims he can't read the divorce papers because he has to walk Dink again. He's not crazy. He just doesn't want me to leave."

BENNINGTON, Vermont- A Vermont neighborhood is being stalked by a renegade gray squirrel that has committed numerous vicious attacks on humans, recently. Kevin McDonald tells the Bennington Banner he was shoveling snow when the squirrel leaped down on him from his garage roof and started a furious assault. McDonald threw the animal off, but it twice jumped back on with teeth gnashing and claws ripping away. A game warden says numerous reports of similar attacks in this area are coming in but "I don't think we're going to see packs of marauding squirrels chasing out seniors and children down the street. This was just an isolated incident." But Kevin McDonald, who felt the fury of this gray terror responded, saying "I'm not so sure about that."

MARCO ISLAND, Florida- Lt. Keith Perry has responded to hundreds of bizarre distress calls, but has never seen anything like this. Perry and his Rescue Department crew removed a 600-pound dolphin from a Marco Island charter boat after getting an emergency call from its captain, Brian Spina. Spina was following a group of dolphins on the Marco River when one mistimed its jump and leapt into the 24-foot pontoon boat named “Cool Beans.” A woman was hurt but otherwise those on board had "lots of fun talking to the dolphin who was very calm and seemed to enjoy getting back rubs from everyone." Spina reports, "One really put together 24 year old was this dolphin's favorite. God, she was hot. Dolphin thought so, too. Chattered like a tomcat when she rubbed him. Thought we were going to have to tell the dolphin to get a room."

FORT MEYERS, Florida- Todd Griffith, a mechanical engineer, was sitting in a conference room before a meeting when a large Muscovy duck smashed through a window and ended up in the seat beside him. "I heard a loud boom, looked to my left and there was a duck sitting next to me," he said. "And the duck looked at me like, 'What are you doing here?'" The unflappable fowl then jumped onto a table and began calmly strutting around the conference room as Griffith watched in amazement. "The odd thing was the meeting was on how to keep ducks and geese out of the ponds around our building. I was opposed to getting shotguns before but now I am voting for that proposal"

PARK RIDGE, Wisconsin- Bill Krause has been trapped in his home much of the winter due to a deer that won't leave his porch. "I've called the DNR and police and they say I have to deal with it myself but that I can't shoot firearms in the city limits. What am I supposed to do? I'm getting hungry. I gotta' get to the store. They've stopped delivering my mail," said the frustrated and hungry resident.

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ROSHOLT, Wisconsin- Ernie Berard is sticking by his story that a squirrel jumped on his head and forced him to drive his motorcycle into his apartment and ruin the floors but his landlord, Emil Booher, is not buying it. Berard claims, "It was warm enough to get the hog out for the first ride this year and I was having a great time, then that squirrel jumps me as I was pulling up and I ended up busting through my own front door and doing donuts in living room trying to shake the damn thing off my scalp." Booher, though, isn't buying it, noting that Berard's apartment is on the second floor.

CRABKNEE, Oklahoma- David Gormley thinks he might give up smoking after stopping his tractor, leaning up against a freshly mowed and rolled bale of hay and coming face to face with an angry badger. "Scared the hell out of me. I don't think I'll sleep again," reports the fearful Gormley. Making matters worse, Gormley figured it would be wise to cut the badger free before it either chewed through the bindings or died and ruined his hay. Unfortunately, the angry badger chased Gormley, literally, into the next county. "I ran 1500 yards all the way into Puckett County. Figured it would stop when I crossed Turner Highway but it didn't stop chasing me till I climbed up onto a UPS truck in the Wal-Mart parking lot."

MONTGOMERY, Alabama- Workers at a home for senior citizens had a lot of excited residents on their hands after they thought they saw the world's first hybrid bird jet. "We tried our darndest to convince the residents there was no such thing as a bird jet but some of them had to be sedated for awhile. They couldn't understand why we wouldn't call this in to the police," said Debbie Kranzusch, a worker at the home.

APPALACA, Florida- Racism has always been a part of American human life but not so in the animal world. A black deer has been playing with the beige deer in Bob and Charlene Weber's yard all year and getting along nicely. "We could all learn something from these deer," said the local homeowner, who noted, "I don't think this is due to busing."