January 19, 2018
What does 40 million buy ya'?
How does it make you feel to know Kenneth Starr has spent over 40 million tax-payer dollars just to find out people lie about their sex lives? Anybody who has been through puberty or High School knows you've lied or been lied to, about sex. Typical of the government they paid 40 million dollars for information anybody else could get for free.

If we ever do find out if there was an improper or proper sexual relationship between President Clinton and Monica Lewinsky it will probably cost millions more dollars and we'll know nothing more about the Whitewater land-deal, which is what this whole thing is supposed to be about anyway.

Of course, the Independent Council Office claims knowing more about the President's sex life will help us sort out Whitewater, because it goes to the issue of his honesty. If it's honesty that's the issue it would be easier for Kenneth Starr to investigate Clinton's golf game. Does the President take gimme putts? Does he in anyway solicit gimme putts or pressure fellow players to look at his 25-foot putt and say "That's good by me. Pick it up Bill." Because I can tell you this, I have seen the President's swing and there is no way he can break 80 under the strict rules of golf, as he claims. If Kenneth Starr can threaten the President's playing partners with jail time we might figure out this whole Whitewater thing.

Because if we don't the economy will never grow, the jobless and crime rates will never fall, the budget will never balance and... well, excuse me, all those things actually have happened without knowing whether the President cheats at golf or dropped his pants in front of Paula Jones or in High School rigged the spin the bottle game so it would always point at him.

But if we give Kenneth Starr enough money, one day he will find the answers and armed with this knowledge we'll really get this country going again. We might even land an un-manned space probe on Mars. Excuse me, we did that already. But freed up from this haunting lack of facts concerning the President's sex life we might one day build a car that doesn't pollute the very air we breathe. Just a second, I think GM already did that. Let me get back to you later on all the good things that will happen when we know the facts about the President's sex life.

What's my point? The President's sex life has nothing to do with the price of coffee. Iran-Contra took place right down where they grow the stuff so it did have something to do with the price of coffee and thus warranted an investigation. In short, a President should never mess with the price of coffee and if he doesn't, don't mess with him.