January 21, 2018
Dogs should not be smaller than cats and other campaign issues
As a father, I am not in favor of spanking children but as a citizen I am in favor of spanking politicians. In fact, I would like to box the ears of the whole political class.

Why? Because they're not doing what I want them to do. What do I want them to do? Some of what you want them to do, some you probably don't.

For example, we as a nation should never ever allow dogs to be smaller than cats. I support bio- technology, gene therapy, all kinds of tinkering with nature but when you start breeding dogs to be smaller than cats, you're messin' with the logic, the cosmic glue that keeps our universe together. But so far, no politician will take up this cause. And I don't think politicians should be allowed to wear toupees or do a comb over. There is something patently dishonest about trying to fool people into thinking you have hair when you so obviously don't.

Other than those two issues though, I am sure you and I share some common concerns - I can't believe our schools are as big and dumb and ineffective as they are. I can't believe our young people are as big and dumb and ineffective as they are. Coincidence? You be the judge. I can't believe we're talking about drilling for oil in Alaska when Honda announced they can make a hybrid-engine SUV that gets 40 miles to the gallon. But maybe that's just me again.

What I really can't believe is that the American people aren't more hacked off about all that not's getting done by politicians, whatever you think that should be. I can't tell you who to vote for... well, I can but they won't let me... but what I can say is this - let's rattle their cage.

This election, vote for the candidate who spent the least amount of campaign money or vote out the ruling party you normally vote for and when the new party you voted in doesn't do better, two years later vote them out, too. Politicians would be more responsive to the voters if every now and again a bunch of them got fired.

And if we denied them toupees and comb-overs politicians would be easier on the eye and at least seem more sincere, because you can't appear genuine when it looks like you're wearing a Chihuahua on your head. As for you lovers of dogs that are smaller than cats, it looks like you're safe this election cycle. But if the Universe explodes because someone bred a Chihuahua so small it fits in your shirt pocket I hope the last voice you hear is me screaming, "I told you so."