January 19, 2018
Call in now or I will have to put Daniel Shorr's lights out
Public radio stations across America are currently going through their usual bi-annual pledge drive, that time of year they try to convince you if it weren't for public radio and its uplifting content your children would turn out to be psycho killers or accountants. At the other end of the cultural spectrum, there was that Celebrity Boxing thing on FOX TV with Paula Jones and Tonya Harding.

Did you see that? First of all, it was false advertising. Paula Jones and Tonya Harding are not celebrities. The public may recognize their names but like Charles Manson or Typhoid Mary they are not celebrities, they are just known.

But most importantly what these non-celebrities were doing in the ring had very little to do with the sweet science of boxing. This wasn't Let's Get Ready To Rumble. This was Let's get Ready to stumble. I have seen better fighting between drunken florists. At one point Paula Jones was actually hiding behind the referee.

Many observers of our culture, or lack of one, have been critical of this event, but upon reflection, you know what--These somewhat known non-celebrities, and FOX, were just doing what they are capable of doing to make a buck. Let's face it, how many times can Paula Jones sell her soul to the vast right wing conspiracy and then pose nude in Penthouse? How many parents are going to send their kids to the Tonya Harding day care center? These non-celebrities did something shameful and embarrassing for money because... that's the kind of work they can get. Well, not the only work they can get but the kind of work they can get that FOX is willing to broadcast.

Public radio pledge drives, on the other hand, are not exactly shameful and embarrassing, but I doubt the participants much like them. It's just what has to be done to keep the operation going. And I want to help out.

Knowing that Celebrity Boxing on FOX got huge ratings and made a lot of money, I will offer to climb into the ring and box NPR's Daniel Shorr. I'm certainly not as well known as that guy from the Brady Bunch but if it will raise money I'll do it. In fact, I'll take on --Daniel Shorr and Nina Totenberg. Two on one or tag team, it's their choice.

So, Dan, Nina, get your satin shorts on. One of you has to wear a tank top. And on behalf of public radio, Let's Get Ready to Stumble. Or you listeners could just pledge some money and make it easy on these poor public radio people. You know how uncomfortable you are listening to respectable people beg? Well, imagine having to do it? So, call in now or I have to put Daniel Shorr's lights out.