January 18, 2018
Your Call Is Important to Us
When trying to get help fixing a broken machine the last thing a consumer wants to talk to is a machine. When something you paid lots of money for doesn't work it's a Barbra Streisand moment people, people needing people. But of course when you call the consumer help line the first thing you hear is a machine saying "Your call is important to us."

If they were honest what you would hear is "Your call is so important to us we are answering it with a machine. While you listen to the annoying music we've picked out we will occasionally break in with another lie, saying that we appreciate your patience. Actually we laugh at your patience and can't believe you would buy things from a company with our level of customer service. We will also tell you your call will be answered by the next representative. That is also a lie. Your call will not be answered by the next representative. You will get frustrated and hang up long before the next representative gets close to answering your call because... the next representative is in the parking lot having a smoke. On the off chance the next representative does answer your call English will be their second, possibly third language and we haven't really told them much about our product. Why? Because employing customer service agents who don't really knowing anything about our product and have a difficult time understanding English spoken by irate customers protects us from having to service you, the angry consumer. Imagine our savings. We hope you appreciate our honesty and thus continue to buy our products no matter how we treat you. Thank you. If you don't slam down the phone this message will repeat."

I doubt calling the consumer complaint division of the company in question and complaining about not getting through on the customer service line will do any good either because they are expecting your call and only exist to feed you more lies about how they value your patience and business.

But I can tell you this, you'll feel a whole lot better if you go to the offending companies web site, find their consumer comments section and week-after-week leave horrifying tales of electrical fires started by their shoddy product. You might even go into a chat room to exchange horror stories about the service you haven't received from this company with their other irate customers because in moments of frustration and anger it feels so good to communicate with another human, that this chat room becomes, well, another Streisand moment People, people complaining to other people...