January 19, 2018
Rebate Hell
What would a marketing consultant say about the lifetime lightbulb?

On the one hand it's a great product. On the other hand, every time someone buys lifetime light-bulbs... the lifetime light bulb company loses another customer... for life.

Undaunted though, the tele-marketers that sell the lifetime light bulb keep calling, trying to sell me more bulbs. I keep telling them unless I buy more lamps I don't need any more of their lifetime light bulbs. The bulbs I currently have, as they predicted years ago, are lasting a lifetime. Then they suggest I could buy more bulbs and give them as gifts. Apparently to them, nothing says love like a lifetime light bulb.

The dilemma for the owner of the lifetime light bulb is in 50 years if a lifetime lightbulb has burned out prematurely where is the money-back guarantee certificate? I can't find whatever it was I was looking at just a minute ago. The only way for me to know where my lifetime light bulb money back guarantee certificate is 50 years from now is to frame it and put it up in my office. Which might be kind of funny... people come in, think it's a diploma or an award, walk closer and see a lifetime light bulb money back guarantee certificate that I am so proud of I've had it framed and tripled matted.

What made me think of this? Manufacturers and retailers are advertising stuff, like the color printer we got my parents for Christmas, at $150, after a $50 rebate. Never do they mention the $200 you actually pay. The price you paid only becomes $150 if you cut the UPC sticker off the original box and send in two completed rebate forms and a copy of the store receipt and then they remember to send you your 50 bucks back.

Well, the six week waiting-for-my-50-dollar-rebate on the color printer period is over and I am getting this bad feeling my check isn't in the mail.

And seeing as how another store had that same color printer for a flat $158, I would have gladly spent an extra eight bucks to avoid these past 42 days and nights of rebate hell.

Next Christmas I will avoid rebates all together by not buying my parents any more complicated, sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't computer equipment. I am going to get them life time light bulbs for their entire house. For as long as they live they will never break a hip falling off a step stool with a burned out 60 watt-er in their hand. I guess you can say love with a lifetime light bulb.