October 25, 2014
You can beat up a Moose
Did you see that story in the paper about the Norwegian woman who beat up a moose? It's true. She was out skiing through the woods when she was attacked by a full grown moose. Some of you may be surprised that a moose would attack a human and I blame Bullwinkle for making us think mooses are well intentioned dunderheads but actually the moose, as a species, is very anti-human.

In fact I saw video of a moose attacking this poor guy who had just walked out of a college bookstore in Alaska. How weird must that have been? He's in the middle of a big college campus carrying a plastic bag full of periodicals and a moose stomps him. If you're just leaving a place that sells the Wall Street Journal, you should at the very least, be safe from moose attack, right? Well, apparently not.

And these are tough animals. A snowmobiler in Minnesota ran into a moose at 60 mph and the collision destroyed his snowmobile. The moose was only annoyed.

So anyway, this woman in Norway is pinned down by an angry moose and it would have killed her had she not thought quickly and stuck her fingers in one moose nostril and her thumb in the other and squeezed the inside of the moose nose. And the moose thought, "Ouch. I've never been touched there before. What strange powers the cross-country skiing animal has. I'm getting out of here." She beat up a moose. The moose is tough but the inside of the moose nose is not tough... it's big, you could hide your wallet in there... but it's not tough.

What's my point? You young people going to college, don't ever give up. No matter what the odds are, no matter how tough your classes look, you can do it. Even if your opponent out weighs you by 600 pounds and has a rack of antlers, you can beat up the moose. You are the future. Study hard. It's not the size of the fingers in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the fingers in the nose of the moose that you can beat up. Good luck with calculus and when you get out of school down screw up the country.