January 19, 2018
With friends like that, who needs enemies?
Great news my fellow taxpaying friends-the IRS has seen the light. Your new pals at the Internal Revenue Service announced today they have turned over a new leaf and want to be your friend. And with friends like that, who needs enemies or accountants?

The new IRS, they claim, is going to be "taxpayer friendly." In other developments duck hunters no longer want to shoot ducks, but instead be their friend and help them live a long prosperous life, football teams will no longer try to block and tackle one another but in a calm and reasonable manner negotiate a time and place to move up and down the field and Bill Gates has announced that he now sees Windows as nothing more than a rip-off of the Macintosh operating system, feels horrible about it and is going to give all the money back.

Of course the truth of the matter is, the IRS is not your friend, no matter what they say. And they can't be, because we have money and they want it. So, we just can't be friends. Our relationship can be fair and civil and legal, but when people want to take something from you that you don't want to give, rarely can it be described as friendly. As much as they may want to be, the IRS is can't be consumer oriented like Nordstrom's, where even if you didn't buy snow tires there, you can return them for a refund. Because they take money from us, the IRS is always going to be the enemy.

And there's nothing wrong with that. Let's face it, when it comes to money people are basically greedy. We want to keep every nickel we've got but still expect the government to build new schools and Star Wars and Lawrence Welk museums. So even if, as a group, the IRS takes Prozac or some sort of happy-pill they will always be in an adversarial relationship with us. What they should want to be is the kind of opponent who can shake your hand after it's over because we respect how they played the game.

And if by the way, you are a duck, I was kidding earlier about hunters being your friend. They still want to kill you. Don't try to strike up a conversation with a group of guys wearing camouflage.