January 19, 2018
Millionaires can spit on non-millionaires
For me the best part of Spring is the start of Baseball. Aside from my futile annual wish that the Cubs win the World Series another wish for this season is that there are no more aerial shots provided by the Kroger Food Stores Blimp. Too many people have blimps. Why is there a Kroger Food Store Blimp?! The Goodyear Blimp makes sense because tires are made of rubber and their blimp demonstrates how effective Goodyear is at making stretchy stuff that can hold air. But the Kroger Food Store Blimp?! If the Kroger Food Store Blimp looks like an empty plastic bag floating through the sky it could remind people that they need to buy bread but that's a real stretch.

And I hope the players treat the umpires better this year because professional athletes have got a lot of making up to do. Last year Roberto Alomar spit in an umpire's face and somehow got to stay in the league because like Michael Irvin the cocaine taking/hooker hiring football player and Dennis Rodman the head-butting, crotch kicking basketball player, Roberto Alomar the spitting baseball player, is rich. And distasteful as it is, the penalty for not being rich in this country is those that are rich can get away with spitting on you.

The problem is the only person who can discipline a spitting millionaire is the person that makes him a millionaire. But in the case of Roberto Alomar, the spitting millionaire works for someone who depends on Alomar to maintain his own status as a millionaire, spitting or non-spitting as the case may be. And here is a very basic rule of economics, if someone makes you a millionaire you don't figuratively spit in their face just for literally spitting in the face of someone who does not make you a millionaire. Just like Watergate, follow the money and you will understand everything.

Of course it's us, the fans, that make them all millionaires but to expect fans to get organized and punish the millionaires is, well of course... spitting in the wind. What the fans and umpires should do is buy our own blimp shaped like a giant lugee and have it hover over Roberto Alomar this whole season. The giant lugee blimp might force all professional athletes to re-evaluate their behavior and the kids of America would be constantly reminded, spitting is a bad thing.