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What Did Clinton Have to do With Anything?
Not too long ago I was having a heated discussion about the relative merits of the Clinton administration with my Republican father-in-law... which is probably not a good idea to begin with. After all, we were staying at his house and eating his food so I should not push his buttons. But instead of being a good guest, right there in his den, sitting in his chair watching his T.V., I begged to differ with his assessment that President Clinton has had nothing to do with the robust state of our economy.
In fact, that the good health of the U.S. economy has nothing to do with Bill Clinton is a Republican mantra- they repeat it over and over again on talk shows and in newspaper columns and family rooms all over America. If anybody is responsible for the historically potent U.S. economy they say it is Alan Greenspan... a known Republican who was appointed by an even more known republican, Ronald Reagan... thus everybody who knows anything about economics knows it is the Republicans who are responsible for the good health of the U.S. economy.
Which of course begs the question, if the economy crashes tomorrow... are the republicans responsible for that too? According to my father-in-law if the economy crashes tomorrow after 6 years of trying, Bill Clinton finally will have had an impact on the economy?
But to me it doesn't make sense that someone could be President for 6 years, during which time the economy booms and that President has had nothing to do with the good things that have happened... but then again there are sports fans who think a coach stinks even though his teams keep winning. Those disgruntled fans will claim it's just that that coach has been lucky to pick good players and assistant coaches. Democrats, of course, call that kind of luck... good coaching. Except, maybe when the head coach is a Republican.
If he did nothing else, one of the best things Head Coach Bill Clinton did for U.S. enterprise was to fool around under the bleachers with Monica Lewinsky because, while Clinton was testifying and apologizing over that, Economic Coordinator, Assistant Coach Alan Greenspan was out there on the field running the team with Bronco Bob Rubin.
Plus, the Clinton off-field activities created the new, multi-million dollar Who's-doin'-Who-Industry. How wonderfully convenient for Assistant Coach Greenspan the media and the republicans were consumed with the Clinton scandals and instead of Coach Greenspan having to do those morning chat shows he got to sleep in late on Sunday ?
So, as the Dow passes the 10,000 mark I hope my father-in-law will give Coach Clinton a pat on the butt because he's the one who brung Rubin and Greenspan and the rest of us to the big return on your invest dollar dance. And if you don't agree with that, I guess your daughter and I will stay in a hotel next Christmas.
I got a flu shot this year and I think mine was defective because I sure got the flu. Maybe I didn't read the fine print on the flu shot but I thought a flu shot was supposed to prevent the flu. I don't think I've ever gotten the flu like I got this flu. I got flu this year like Bill Clinton got legal bills- massive, overwhelming, and probably undeserved although stemming from activities for which I am personally responsible.
Is it possible the flu shot you get in the drug store is not as good as the one you get from the doctor's office? My allergist has always tried to suggest the drugstore flu vaccine is not as good as the one he uses, which seemed ridiculous but now I'm beginning to wonder if I had spent the extra 20 bucks on his shot would I have been better protected? Actually, it would be 20 bucks more plus parking because he doesn't validate and the drugstore let's you park for free.
I actually started going to the drugstore for the flu shots just because it was less hassle than the doctor's office but now I'm wondering if the whole drug store flu shot setup of a card table in the little used but very important adult-incontinence aisle is somehow representative of the quality of the flu shot I got.
Because, from the sounds of it, everybody is getting this flu. The makers of the vaccine say they cannot accurately predict which strain of flu is coming around every year but then why don't they offer a rebate? If you get the flu because they guessed wrong, just send in your receipt and four empty boxes of Kleenex and your money back.
Because basically they are selling a product that may not even work. If the makers of a baby seat said, "In case of an accident your baby may be protected... or might go flying around the car... we're not sure... and that's why we have priced our seats to move," would you even think about buying?
Let's say 50 million people got the flu shot this year and the average cost was 15 bucks. If I'm not mistaken that's 75 million dollars... alright I'm mistaken, that's... 750 million dollars in gross sales. What if they didn't do all the lab stuff or expensive experiments to make real vaccine and instead put chicken soup in those little bottles and their only real expense is the syringes and a card table? There's a lot of net profit in a flu shot that doesn't work.
Now, I'm not a doctor and I don't play one on T.V. but it would just seem they could do better than what they did this year and I think Ken Starr should look into this. And, for sure next year I am going to go the doctor's office for the flu shot. If I get the flu I'll tell my insurance company to stiff him on the bill. They're very good at that.
Excuse me but would you like screaming monkeys...
Has this ever happened to you? I was trying to fix supper for my wife and I while my one-year old was flinging her dinner onto the cabinets because apparently she likes the sound ravioli makes when it hits maple veneer. (SFX: splatt and baby giggle)
Anyway, the phone rings and in the hopes my wife is on the other end saying we've won the lottery and can order take out food the rest of our lives, I foolishly answer.
Unfortunately, it's not my wife on the phone, it's a guy who says, "Would you like to participate in a survey on Hotels?" Maybe it's just me but "Would you like..." should never precede "participate in a survey on Hotels."
Anyway, I believe when businesses reach out to consumers we have to take the time to encourage them, like that little girl in Poltergeist, to go to the light, walk to the light, be good to us. In fact, here's exactly what we want.
So, I know I should take the survey but my daughter is crankin' mad because I won't let her throw her lima beans at the ravioli splatters and she's reaching the tizzy level just as the guy on the phone tells me the survey only takes 20 minutes and asks again if I would like to participate. He might as well have said "Would you like screaming monkeys to come over to your house and foul your carpets?" So, I say "No thank you,"
And he says, "Mr. Bedore, would there be a better time for screaming monkeys to come over and foul your carpets?" I think for a second and then say "Mmmm... no." I add "Mmmm..." because I want to appear like I at least thought about it.
The irony of consumer feedback is if you are staying at a Hotel and demand to see the manager because the air conditioner is so loud it's like trying to sleep in a factory or a cockroach ran across your pillow, I can tell you from experience, you're just a problem they would rather not deal with.
But if you tell that story to the geniuses at the consulting firm doing the phone survey they will brilliantly conclude consumers don't like sledge-hammer sounding, moisture-robbing, ear-drum bending heaters in their room or vermin on their linens. And when that analysis comes from helpful consultants instead of a place of anger, the place a cockroach trampled consumer generally comes from, the Hotel people can internalize that information in a productive manner.
So, the next time you answer the phone and hear "Mr. Bedore, would you mind if the Hotel industry put rabid squirrels in your bedroom for 20 minutes," remember We consumers get what we deserve. "You made your bed, now you have to lie in it," is more than a saying, if you don't take the survey, it's a threat.
In Los Angeles, I'm Tim Bedore for Marketplace.
Is it just me or did the Post Office fail to give us any warning about the one cent rate increase they just made? I didn't hear anything about it. Post Office officials claim they have been talking about this rate increase for awhile but who were they talking to? Themselves apparently. You can't just pass the news of a rate increase around at the Post Office Christmas party and think you've informed the nation.
A postal rate increase affects the way people do business. Letters without the correct postage... come back. What if I would have won 10 million dollars from Publisher's Clearing House but my prize winning entry came back because I didn't put on the stupid one penny stamp?
"Buy penny stamps now" posters should have been up at every Post Office. I have been to the Post Office a lot in the past months and I'm telling you - if they did have posters up they must have been the size of a stamp because I didn't see anything about this rate increase. I don't claim to be a marketing genius but how about a big poster with a penny on it that says "Spend Penny Now. Make sure letter gets there. 33 cent stamps coming, January ‘99."
And I am not complaining about paying a penny more to mail a letter. I think it's amazing for just 33 cents you can actually get a letter from here to there. Planes and trains and trucks and sorting machines and polyester uniforms and flack jackets and violence abatement programs and doggy pepper spray and lots of other stuff are all needed by the Post Office to get a letter from my place to the exact spot I want it to go. To do that for 32 or 33 or 49 cents is an incredible bargain in my mind.
But it's almost like the Post Office felt ashamed that they had to raise their rates by a penny. (Two voice exchange) (mumbled) "Excuse me sir, that'll be 33 cents." "What?" "It's aaa.. 33 cents now..." "I can't hear you..." "We raised the rates, it's 33 cents... kind of embarrassed about it, just give me another penny please.."
Or, maybe the Post Office decided not to print posters or have a television ad campaign because news stories about people who didn't hear about the rate increase and are hacked off because all their letters are coming back would act as their whole marketing campaign for the rate increase. Maybe shrewd thinking like that is why it only costs 33 cents to mail a letter.
So I would like to say to the people of the Post Office-- be proud. You do terrific work. I can send a one pound package across the country for three bucks. It may not get there in the 2 or 3 days you advertise but it gets there. If I need to get something somewhere on time of course, I use UPS or Fed Ex. I'm not an idiot. But if time spent standing in line or getting the package there is not an issue you Post Office people are great.
So be proud and next time please, tell us about your little penny increase.
In fact, make it a two cent increase and spend the extra money printing
up some posters.
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copyright 1999 Tim Bedore --- all rights reserved