January 19, 2018
Wedding Rings and Feminism
My girlfriend and I are shopping for wedding rings and here's the rub: the ring she wants costs $5000. My ring costs $60. How's that fair? Where is the feminist logic in that? Right there in the jewelry store I said, "I want Gloria Steinem herself to come down here and explain this deal." My girlfriend, who is very independent and fairminded, said "Well Tim, the woman's ring costing 83.3 times more than the man's ring is an inequitable, antiquated tradition but it's just one old tradition I want to uphold." So I said, "The wife doing all the cooking and cleaning is an antiquated tradition, too. Is that the one antiquated tradition I get to choose we uphold?" Apparently, not.

Even discussing jewelry is unpleasant for me. When I was nine my grandfather presented me with a family heirloom ring he kept for 50 years. I lost it within three minutes. I went to the bathroom and before I washed my hands, I put the heirloom ring on top of the toilet- a second later it was gone. I felt like a big dumb idiot. The adults concluded it must have fallen into the toilet and gotten flushed but I suspect one of my brothers stole it to make me look bad. Since then I have never liked jewelry. So I said, "Honey, you get a nice ring and I'll go without one. We'll save 60 bucks."

I would think a diamond ring would make a woman nervous as hell because they're so expensive you become a target for muggers. Would you walk around with $5000 in cash in your hand? No. So I said, "Honey, I know you've got your heart set on a nice diamond ring but I've heard they're doing some very interesting things with copper."

What's my point? Gentlemen, don't joke about the ring. If you are getting married, just say "Yes dear, whatever ring you want" - get the best credit terms available and move on from there.