January 19, 2018
The Real Story of Thanksgiving
Long, long ago, hopeful young families left Europe and bravely crossed the sea to their new home in America. Upon reaching the New World the Pilgrims cleared the forest and raised bountiful crops, and their joy was hard to contain for this was the life that they had dreamed of. And then the Indians came out of what was left of the forest and slaughtered the young white families because they had made the mistake of building log cabins and planting zucchini on sacred Indian burial grounds. But the Indians couldn t swing their tomahawks fast enough as wave after wave of wretched refuse invaded their land. The Indians swung their arms mightily but eventually they grew tired and finally dropped to the ground, exhausted and beaten, as hordes of white men become landlord of the land of plenty.

Resigned to their fate of sharing the land with their new Euro Trash neighbors, the Indians and the white man sat down to a roasted turkey dinner one November day (on the white man s calendar) and gave thanks for their new-found friendship. The Pilgrims were understandably a bit more thankful for this friendship than the Indians, because the Indians had agreed to stop making lodge-pole decorations out of the skulls of the strange pale-face families that lived in houses and wore shoes.

This Thanksgiving celebration become a yearly event and evolved into a day that Americans cook stuffed turkeys and then stuff themselves after watching the Detroit Lions get stuffed by some other football team on national television. Ain t history funny that way? Easter started as a Christian celebration of the resurrection of Christ but now it s fooling children into thinking a bunny comes to their house and hides candy. Christmas, of course, was a celebration of the birth of the Christ child.

What other big days in the life of Christ might we turn into a holiday? What about the first day toddler Christ learned to walk? We could call it Stepping Day and celebrate by eating a standing rib roast. I like holidays. Most people don t have to work, everybody acts nice, you eat real well and they put good movies on T.V. Let s figure out an excuse to have more holidays. And I hope you re enjoying yours.