January 21, 2018
Some Thoughts on Circumcision
Discussing circumcision the other day I said "When, when, when will it end. My god when will the horror end?" Some friends who just had a baby told me what actually happens during this barbaric operation. They strap the innocent, helpless babe into a little "hold him steady while we whittle on his penis" chair, and the screaming and the terror is beyond belief.

Most doctors now admit circumcision has no real beneficial effect on hygiene yet they still strongly recommend that it be done because you don't want the son's penis to look different than his father's penis. Wait a minute. How many families have father/son penis comparison day? I never saw my father's penis. And you know what? I didn't want to. If a little boy does see his father's penis and asks why his looks a little different all you have to say is... "Daddy's wiener was brutalized by a sadistic, money-grubbing health-care system propagating archaic beliefs and rituals to suck more wealth out of a people helpless to defend themselves against the monolith."

Well, that may be a little heavy for a toddler and I'm not even sure that monolith is the word I needed there, but maybe you just say "Daddy... was water skiing one day and..." I don't know what you say. You just say that people are different and that sometimes their "thing" looks different. Of course you should probably use the word penis instead of "thing." In my family it was called dingus, which is fine for awhile but then you have to make that difficult dingus to penis transition somewhere in your life. Otherwise as an adult, women would be weirded out if you referred to it as your dingus.

Anyway, how did this whole idea of clipping the foreskin get started? That's not something anybody tried one day just for the hell of it. Circumcision started as a religious ritual in the Old Testament. God told Abraham to circumcise himself with a sharp rock (a sharp rock making the job a lot easier than a dull one). Maybe there was a good hygiene reason for it back then but now circumcision is just like a Perry Como Christmas special- it costs money, it's torturous and it has no real purpose.