January 19, 2018
New Form of Government
What the Hell has happened to American Politics? Why are our politicians so out of touch? Did you know we're still spending money on Star Wars? To protect us from who? The Russians? They've retired. Iraq? It's much more likely they'd sneak a bomb in here on a speedboat than put it up in the air where we could watch it for 20 minutes. We don't need Star Wars. Star Wars would cost trillions of dollars and be obsolete tomorrow.

That's exactly what happens to weapons systems. It's why the Indians lost to the cowboys. The Indians invested heavily in bow and arrow technology and when the cowboys came along with guns, forget about it, it's over. Bullets are flying all around and the Indians are firing back but as soon as they run out of arrows they're done. You can't just dive into the bushes, grab some wood and start shooting it. Arrows take hours and hours to make. That's why the cowboys won.

But anyway, I'm sick of campaigns and the power elite and spin doctors and promises. I think we need leaders who understand the real people and you know who understands the real people? The real people, that's who.

So here's my plan. We cancel all elections. No more voting. We pick our leaders just like jury duty. You start calling people on the phone and take what you get. Unless you have a good excuse, you have to be a senator for a month. Now you say, Tim, the average citizen isn't qualified to lead the country. Oh yeah? Can the average citizen balance their checkbook? Would the average citizen pay $640 for a toilet seat or subsidize tobacco farmers while trying to convince people not to smoke?

We're smarter and our politicians are a lot dumber than we think. Sure, with my system you might end up with some perverts, schnooks, deadbeats, dodo's, nincompoops, Bozo's, and neer-do-wells. But that's what we've got in Washington now and we can't get rid of them. With my plan if you get an idiot, he's done in a month and you call someone else.